Most common religious myths: masturbation is harmful and we will go to hell for sex. Why has the Church lied to us for years about our own bodies?
Some people take away from religion a sense of security, ritual, community, or belief in something greater. Someone else will take away fear. Fear of one's own body, of desire, of erection, of orgasm, of liking the "wrong" person. And someone else will take away a belief that makes sense to them, and an inner voice that whispers to them that their sexuality is "dirty".
Sexuality is one of the areas where religious ideas, cultural traditions and family taboos have become so heavily mixed that it is often difficult today to know where faith ends and shame begins. Yet many people did not grow up in strictly religious families. Yet they carry around remnants of phrases such as "you don't do that", "decent people don't talk about it", "masturbation is disgusting", "sex belongs in marriage" or "you will be punished for this one day".
It's no coincidence. Sexuality has been regulated for centuries as something to be kept under control. Not just for spiritual reasons, but for family, inheritance, social hierarchy, reproduction and control over the body. In short, the value systems of a society have a profound effect on human sexuality and determine what behaviour is considered acceptable or unacceptable in a given culture.
And so a strange paradox has arisen. Something that is intimate, carnal and often pleasurable for humans has been transformed into a space of anxiety in many traditions. Sex has become a test of morality. Masturbation a proof of weakness. Desire the enemy of purity. And for queer people, often a place where belief in love clashed with the belief that their love was the problem.
Myth One: Masturbation destroys health
One of the most persistent religious sex myths is the idea that masturbation is somehow fundamentally harmful to a person. It used to be attributed to almost everything: blindness, weakness, infertility, insanity, loss of energy, spiritual decay, sometimes even physical degeneration. It sounds absurd today, but such ideas survived for a surprisingly long time - and in some families, communities, or internet bubbles, they still return today.
Yet modern medicine is much calmer about this than many preachers of the past. Research has repeatedly described masturbation as a normal, safe part of sexuality, and one of the safest ways to get sexual satisfaction, because there is no risk of pregnancy or transmission of STIs when masturbation is done alone. So it is a normal and healthy part of sexual development, and can even help with stress, sleep, or learning about your own body.
Of course, this doesn't mean that sexuality can't be problematic at times. It can. But the problem is usually not masturbation itself, but when sexual behaviour becomes compulsive, cannot be regulated, interferes with work, relationships or the psyche, and brings suffering. In this context, people often talk about compulsive sexual behaviour, which is not just about masturbation, but also about pornography, multiple partners or paid sex - what matters is whether the behaviour takes control of one's life.
It is therefore not true that masturbation in itself is harmful. Shame, obsession, pressure, secrecy or loss of control can be harmful. And shame is often what drives people into a vicious cycle. The more he hates himself for his body, the harder it is to treat it kindly.
Myth two: Masturbation is the "sin of Onan"
When masturbation is discussed in religious settings, the word "onanism" often comes up. But the story of the biblical Onan is much more complex than how it is commonly interpreted. In both Christian and Jewish traditions, it has been associated for centuries with the "loss of seed," but the story itself primarily concerns a refusal to fulfill a familial and reproductive obligation to a deceased brother - not the modern idea of masturbation per se. Christian moral teachings have historically associated masturbation with precisely the "sin of Onan," while later interpretations have made this motif into a broader condemnation of "solo sex."
It is important to distinguish here. Religious traditions are entitled to their own moral teachings. The Catholic Catechism, for example , includes masturbation among the sins against chastity and speaks very strictly about it. This is the official position of a particular church. But it is not the same as medical fact. And it certainly doesn't mean that every person who masturbates is sick, damaged, or incapable of love.
Moreover, many people today are somewhere in between. They are not without faith, but they don't want to live in permanent fear of their own bodies. They don't want to mock religion, but they also reject the idea that God is supposed to be the constant supervisor of their bedroom.
Myth Three: Sex is only good if it leads to procreation
Another deeply rooted idea says that sex is only meaningful if it leads to conception. In the traditional religious framework, this makes sense: sexuality was linked to marriage, family and the continuation of the lineage. But human sex has never been just a reproductive act. It is also communication, intimacy, play, trust, release, body language, and sometimes a way of reminding oneself again that there is no enemy in one's body.
It is with queer people that this myth is broken most visibly. If sex only justifies the possibility of conception, then queer intimacy automatically finds itself outside the "proper" framework. But that doesn't make it less valuable. It just means that it breaks out of the traditional model in which sex has been judged primarily by its reproductive function.
But in real life, most people know that intimacy is not just about procreation. Nor do heterosexual spouses have sex with each other for the sole purpose of conception. Older people, infertile people, people who have had surgery, people on birth control, or couples who don't want children don't stop being loving partners just because their sex doesn't lead to a child. Yet it is queer sexuality that often becomes the target of an argument that most of society does not actually follow in its own life.
Myth Four: Desire is dangerous
Religious tradition often operates with the idea that desire must be tamed. This in itself is not necessarily wrong. Uncontrolled desire can be destructive. It can lead to manipulation, infidelity, coercion, abuse, or to ceasing to see the other person as a person and making them a mere object.
The problem begins the moment desire itself is identified as dangerous. When one becomes afraid of being attracted to someone. When he learns that arousal is automatically suspicious. When a teenage boy feels an erection and panic takes the place of curiosity. When a queer person lusts after someone of the same sex for the first time and instead of joy, feels horror that they've just discovered proof of their own "wrongness."
But desire is not a moral judgment. It's information. It tells us something about the body, proximity, fantasy, the need for touch or relationship. The moral question doesn't begin with the fact that we feel something. It begins with what we do with it. Whether we respect consent. Whether we do no harm. Whether we don't manipulate the other person. Whether we can accept rejection. Whether we are honest with ourselves and others. This is a much more mature ethic of sexuality than a simple division between "pure" and "sinful."
Myth Five: We will go to hell for sex
The phrase "you're going to hell" sounds like a caricature, but for many people it wasn't funny at all. Especially if they heard it as children or teenagers. The idea of eternal punishment for sexual thoughts, masturbation, sex before marriage, or a queer relationship can leave a deep imprint on a person. It doesn't always manifest as a conscious belief. Sometimes it remains only as a physical reaction: a tightened stomach, guilt after orgasm, fear of intimacy, the feeling that happiness must be punished.
Especially for LGBTQ+ people, this type of religious fear can be very hurtful. It's not just about prohibiting specific behaviors. It is a message that the very ability to love is suspect. That one must repress a significant part of themselves in order to be acceptable. And even if he later moves away from the strict environment, the old voice may remain in his head.
Meanwhile, societal attitudes towards homosexuality vary greatly by region, culture and level of religiosity. The Pew Research Center, for example , cites that acceptance of homosexuality is high in Western Europe and North America, while attitudes are more divided in Central and Eastern Europe, and in some regions of the world are strongly opposed. More recent data also show that non-religious people are more likely to support social acceptance of homosexuality than religious people, although attitudes also vary within religious groups.
There are religious people and communities that reject queer people. But there are also religious people and communities that accept them, bless their relationships, accompany them, and try to read the tradition differently. For a person who carries religious wounding, this can be crucial news. It is not necessary to choose between spirituality and one's own survival. Sometimes it is necessary to leave an environment that hurts. Sometimes it is possible to find another.
Myth Six: Purity means suppressing the self
The word "purity" has a special power in religious language. It can mean integrity, faithfulness, the ability to do no harm and to live in accordance with one's values. But it can also turn into an obsession with control. It can turn into the idea that a pure person is one who does not feel, does not desire, does not lie, and keeps his or her body as far away from pleasure as possible.
But one is not made purer by hating oneself. He is not more mature by being afraid of orgasm. And he's not more moral by not being able to talk about sex without shame.
Maybe we need a different definition of purity. Not the absence of desire, but the presence of respect. Pure sexuality doesn't have to be sexless sexuality. It can be sexuality without coercion, without lying, without abuse, without humiliation, and without violence. A sexuality in which one is not divided into "soul" and "dirty body" but sees oneself as a whole.
In such a conception, the question is not "how many times have I sinned", but rather: Am I treating myself well? Am I treating others well? Is there agreement between us? Is there safety? Is there respect? Am I running into sex before something I should be dealing with differently? And isn't my guilt just an old learned fear that no longer serves me?
Myth 7: Those who free themselves from shame lose their morals
A common argument against discussing sex more openly is that if we tell people that masturbation is not harmful and sex is not automatically a sin, they will begin to live without boundaries. But this is a false choice. The alternative to religious shame need not be chaos. The alternative can be responsibility.
Sex education, openness, and acceptance of the body do not mean that everything is the same. On the contrary. A person who is not afraid to talk about sexuality is more likely to recognize coercion, name their own boundaries, protect themselves from infection, ask for help, and build healthier relationships. Shame often does not lead to virtue. It leads to silence. And silence is an environment in which confusion, misinformation and abuse thrive.
A healthier sexual ethic, therefore, need not stand against faith. It can stand against fear. It can say: your body is not a mistake. Your desire is not automatically a sin. Your orientation is not a disorder. Your masturbation does not make you a worse person. And sex is not a dark force that will take you to hell if you think of it differently than your grandparents.
A body that doesn't have to apologize
Religious myths about sex survive because they're not just passed down through books and sermons. They're transmitted by parental stares, awkward silences at school, jokes in the locker room, moralizing comments on the Internet, and the inner voice that always comes out after orgasm. One can sometimes rationally tell oneself that there is nothing wrong with masturbation and still feel guilty afterwards. He can know that his queer relationship is loving, and yet sometimes old fears are awakened.
That doesn't mean he's weak. It means that shame takes a long time to learn and unlearns slowly.
Maybe it's time to stop talking about the body as the enemy of the soul. Maybe sexuality isn't a test we're supposed to stand before the tribunal. Maybe it is an area of life in which we learn the same things we learn everywhere else - to be truthful, kind, responsible and free.
