Are you procrastinating? Maybe it's not laziness, but loneliness

Procrastination is a problem that almost everyone is familiar with - whether it's procrastinating on email, housework or big life decisions. Although most of us deal with it from time to time, for some it becomes a chronic habit. Research shows that up to 25 percent of adults and 80 percent of college students regularly put off important tasks. The reasons for this vary from fear of failure to lack of motivation. One of the lesser-known but all the more crucial factors is loneliness.

Loneliness vs. isolation

Loneliness is not the same as physical solitude. Rather, it is the subjective feeling of a lack of close relationships, i.e. the belief that we do not have enough friends or people who love us. People can be surrounded by others and still feel deeply lonely. This condition has been shown to have a negative impact on health - increasing the risk of heart disease, stroke, dementia, anxiety, depression and even cancer. And, as it turns out, it can also play a major role in how we (mis)perform our responsibilities.

When it's hard to move

Motivation is often the first casualty of loneliness. Even a trivial task - such as responding to a message - can seem insurmountable. As psychiatrist Mark Goulston explains in his book Get Out of Your Own Way, the relationship between loneliness and procrastination may be rooted in childhood.

Children who grow up in a supportive environment learn to associate overcoming challenges with rewards and positive feedback. In contrast, children who have faced ridicule or rejection for failure may carry into adulthood the belief that challenging situations bring pain and shame. This experience can significantly affect their willingness to face difficult tasks in adulthood.

What to do about it? Start by finding connections

If you struggle with procrastination, ask yourself: Do I feel lonely? Does having supportive people around me change my ability to get things done? Research suggests that yes. Social support - whether from friends, colleagues, or therapists - can significantly reduce the tendency to procrastinate.

If you don't have anyone you can confide in at the moment or with whom you can motivate each other, Goulston recommends picturing someone supportive in your thoughts - a loving parent, teacher, or friend you don't want to disappoint. Even a "virtual" connection like this can help you overcome a mental barrier and complete the task.

Procrastination of the connection itself

It's also possible that you're putting off building relationships yourself - especially if other people have hurt you in the past. However, it's making connections and creating community that is key not only to overcoming loneliness, but also to improving your overall well-being. Participating in a peer support group, getting involved in volunteer activities, going to a community centre or even a queer reading club can be a first step.

Stepping out of the shadows - even if it's just one step

It may take overcoming fears and stepping out of your social comfort zone. But as with procrastinated tasks, it's often true: what seems scary is actually manageable. And with each new contact or completed task, your feelings of loneliness and stuckness may diminish.

Procrastination is not just a matter of laziness or indiscipline. It often has deep emotional roots - and that's where you need to look to overcome it. Whether it's work, relationships or self-care, the key may lie in something as simple (and yet so complex) as human closeness.