A freer life? "Work is a necessary evil, fatigue is the norm, and ransom is the payoff," the coach explains what "stuck" people come to her with
Markéta, to what extent do you still fall into the misconception that coaches "advise" people how to live? Is there already a growing awareness among the general population about how coaching sessions work?
Yes, this misconception still persists - and it's no accident. The label "coach" is still used by everyone today - influencers, mentors, consultants, various esoteric or managerial trends... And people naturally get lost in the shuffle. Sometimes they have the impression that coaching equals instant wisdom or working with deep traumas. But neither is true.
Coaching is not therapy, and a coach is not a self-appointed guru or counselor who comes with ready-made manuals for living. In fact, the role of a coach is quite different. Coaching is not about giving advice, it is about creating a space in which the client can discover their own solutions and pathways to them. The coach asks questions, listens and supports the client in their own process of self-discovery and decision making. Coaching is a very practical and profound tool that returns a person to their own responsibility, freedom and possibilities.
For many years you have been leading courses in NLP coaching within AKOR®. Neuro-Linguistic Programming works with the premise that when we get stuck in the "can't, can't" mode, we can focus unnecessarily on the problem - not the solution. Do you encounter clients who don't even believe that it's possible to reach the "work-life balance" stage? That is, that they have become a bit resigned and no longer even hope that they might be lucky enough to have a job that doesn't kill them?
Yes, I do. More and more often, in fact. Many people today come to us saying they have "resigned" and don't have much faith in positive change. They believe that the world around them is strangely set up, that there is not much to "get out of the rut". For them, work is a necessary evil, fatigue something of a norm, a paycheck a ransom, and the weekend the only space for a life of freedom and joy. And yet deep down they feel and know for certain that it is not meant to be. Coaching and NLP give them the tools to hear this quiet inner certainty again and take it seriously. And how to translate it into concrete action.
Most of us have learned to be very good at describing what we don't like, what we don't want, in our childhood. What's a problem. What annoys us. But rarely do we give ourselves the time and space to really think - what do I want instead? What do I want my day to look like? My work? My relationships? And it's from these reflections that change is born.
What would you recommend that people who are interested in neuro-linguistic programming but would like to try something "small" first to see if it really works, try it out?
Instead of reading the theory, test this: think of a phrase you often repeat in your head when something is going wrong. For example, "I can't do this anyway" or "I'm not good enough".
Now imagine that Bart Simpson's voice is saying that sentence. Or sing it like a comic opera. Add a dancing elephant in the background. Suddenly, the message of that line sounds... different. And funny as it may seem, you've just touched on one of the basic principles of NLP: when we change the way we present an idea to ourselves - the tone, the image, the rhythm or the setting - our reaction to it changes.
This is just a small sample, of course. The power of innovative (scientifically critiqued) NLP is not in the "magic tricks", but in the combination of proven principles with deep work on oneself - and, most importantly, in the individual approach. Each of us has a different map of the world. What works for one may not work for another. That's why at AKOR® we build all our programs to be as practical as possible, but at the same time to allow everyone to find their own way - not only the techniques, but also how to work with them, when to use them and how to connect them.
In the personal development coach training I took with you years ago, you often told us that everyone is "their own biggest expert." To what extent can a person be their own coach?
I believe that each of us has the ability to become our own coach to some degree. The key is to learn to redirect our attention from what we don't want to what we do want instead. It is in this shift that the solution to many of our life challenges often lies. More and more people are coming to us for training today, not to become professional coaches, but because they want to transfer these skills to their lives. For themselves. And that, for me, is the greatest reward. When coaching and NLP stops being 'something from the outside' and becomes a natural part of how we can make our lives more aware and easier.
Being in a training group for a few months, where nothing is pretended, no judgement is made, but only listening, where people allow themselves to be truly together, without masks or pretence, is extremely liberating and inspiring. One of the most common feedbacks I hear here is, "I divide my life into before and after training," not because training alone magically fixes anything. But because it created a space where it was possible to reconnect with what was personally important - and to believe that it mattered.
However, it's important to realize that we all have our "blind spots" - areas that we are unable to fully see or understand on our own. In such cases, the role of an external coach is irreplaceable. Through his or her independent position, we can gain new perspectives and discover solutions that would otherwise remain hidden from us.
In the context of self-coaching, does the rule apply that coaching techniques only work on people who do not suffer from mental illness, except for anxiety? Or can I apply some of the techniques to myself - to complement, for example, psychotherapy?
Coaching - whether professional or self-help - is not a substitute for psychotherapy, psychiatric treatment or professional counselling. It is important to say this at the outset. Well-trained coaches are encouraged to recognize the limits of their competence. If a topic arises that goes beyond the scope of coaching, it is their responsibility to encourage the client to seek a more appropriate type of help. At the same time, however, coaching can be a very good complement in some cases - for example, to the psychotherapy just mentioned. It can bring new insights, strengthen motivation to change and support daily habits or a more conscious approach to oneself.
In the case of anxiety, coaching can be very supportive - but it is important to distinguish between normal human anxiety, for example about uncertainty or change, and an anxiety disorder, which belongs in the hands of professionals. Today, people often come to us experiencing stress, pressure and feelings of being overwhelmed. And the resulting effect of coaching - working with mindfulness, values and small but meaningful steps - is very beneficial to their lives.
Do you have a favourite coaching or NLP technique that you use on yourself when you're going through a challenging time?
The coaching approach for me today is no longer just a method but a way of looking at the world. During more challenging times, one key realisation comes back to me repeatedly: that the problem doesn't need to be given so much attention. It helps me much more to focus on what I want instead of what I don't want. How I want to feel. What it should look like. How I would act if it were already resolved. This simple redirection of attention often brings me unexpected relief, insight, inspiration - and from it, a solution is born.
When it comes to specific NLP techniques, I really like anchoring. It's a way to consciously create a "trigger" for a positive state based on a conditioned reflex, which I can then return to anytime and anywhere, perhaps with a simple gesture - for me, it's a combination of thumb and index finger. It's fascinating how the body and mind can learn to respond.
And then there are the very simplest things that work safely just when one is nauseous - for example, changing one's posture and then inhaling through the nose a few times and exhaling loudly through the mouth. Or reframing the situation as an observer. When I stop looking at a situation through the eyes of "the one it's happening to" and look at it from a distance, it invariably changes my emotions and thoughts. It's not magic. They are skills that can be learned and trained with practice.
Let's go back to the layman. What mistakes do they most often make when they repeat affirmations to themselves in front of the mirror?
They repeat phrases to themselves that their own minds simply don't believe. Typically, "I'm not stressed," or, "I'm fine," or, "I don't feel any pressure," while the body says the opposite and the head is running at full speed in the background. Such affirmations can then cause frustration rather than relief. The second common mistake is unfortunate wording - often using negations that the brain doesn't "read" the way we think. The phrase "I am not stressed" paradoxically draws attention specifically to stress.
A functional affirmation should be constructed positively, it should be directed towards what we want to bring into our lives, not what we want to get rid of. In NLP we use the principles of Milton's language, a gentle, hypnotic style of expression, to create effective sentences.
One of the best working formulas for creating effective affirmations is the so-called "universal affirmation" by Emil Coué: "I am getting better and better every day in every way."
"Every day I feel calmer and calmer." Or, "With every breath I take, I have more and more energy."
And regularity is also key. Affirmations are not incantations. They need repetition, ideally in a state of relaxation or during a regularly recurring activity - perhaps in the morning upon waking or in the evening before bed.
One more tip: the phrase should "warm you up" a bit, even if you don't quite believe it yet. If it feels completely foreign to you, start more gently. Instead of "I love myself", choose something like "I am learning to be kinder and gentler to myself every day".
Zdroj: Giphy
What else would you recommend to anyone trying to find inner balance in today's turbulent and somewhat hectic world?"
Simply put - to get back to what is natural for us as human beings. Our bodies and nervous systems are evolutionarily set to a different rhythm than the world we live in today. And this is what creates the great tension. I always recommend three simple pillars that work even without special apps, courses and supplements.
First: being in nature, ideally regularly and in silence. Even a short walk among the trees fundamentally regulates the level of stress hormones. Second: quality sleep. This is not a "reward for performance", but a basic need. Third: closeness and present, genuine contact with others. Sharing that doesn't judge and doesn't push.
And if possible, I also recommend simple meditation or breath work - there is now a lot of research that confirms its benefits not only on the psyche, but also on immunity and long-term health. When we take care of ourselves on these basic levels, we can then distinguish much better what is truly ours - and what is just the world around us screaming at us.
