How to connect with your inner child? Close your eyes with therapist John Bradshaw or try the mobile phone trick
The mobile phone trick
According to a TikTok video by a user with the nickname @sonyatrachsel, one should go through their old photos. And not only that. More specifically, if you watch her video, it says this in loose translation:
"A friend once told me that in order to change your life, you have to change the wallpaper on your phone."
Doesn't that seem strange? Sonya explains why that is. How even a small change like this can make a big difference:
"Look back at your childhood. The memories and feelings. What do you remember?"
It's definitely not a bad idea to try this exercise before moving on. What do you remember?
"If you were criticized, neglected/abandoned by adults, or not accepted by your peers, you are probably struggling with your self-worth. And that's keeping you away from the life you know you deserve. The wounds of the inner child are holding you back."
Sound familiar? Sonya continues with practical advice:
"So how about we start healing today with this experiment? Find an album of old photos of yourself where you remember going through something difficult."
Sonya then recommends taking a photo on your mobile phone, zooming in so that you're looking primarily at yourself (rather than, for example, the many other children in the group photo) and saving that detail just as your screen wallpaper. Then, every time you look at your cell phone for the next 21 days, you're supposed to tell yourself the following four things (I'm keeping the masculine, but the advice doesn't apply only to gentlemen:)
It's up to you.
You have a reason to be here.
You're important.
And you are enough.
"We can't change the past, but the truth is we don't have to. Because the most important person to love you and believe in you has been with you all along. It's you," Sonya concludes her uplifting TikTok.
Therapist on The Oprah Winfrey Show
Do you know Oprah? If not, it's just that you don't live in America. There, this quirky lady is listened to by the masses. She's had everyone who's ever made a difference on her show. While this is hyperbole, it's true that celebrities and real heads often take turns being her guests. And there was, for example, therapist John Bradshaw, who (not only) conducted a little experiment with the audience. One that he said would help us connect with our inner child and ease our woes.
Of course, you can hear what he advises in the video. For those who can't speak or prefer not to receive spoken word or text in English, I have prepared a short free transcript.
The first step is to close your eyes. This will of course prevent you from reading, so read the whole procedure and close your eyes and try what John recommends afterwards.
What is your first memory? The oldest one you have? Dig into your memory. What comes to mind? Where were you youngest?
Now imagine yourself as an adult in that same place, observing your own child self. What do you see? Where is the child? What is he wearing? What is his hair, eyes, face...? What is he doing? Where are his loved ones? Map the whole situation and just watch. Do you have a clear picture?
Now make contact with the child. Tell him you're here for him. You're here for him. Explain to him that you (better than anyone else) know what he has been through. That you love it for what it is. You want to be its champion and you want it to live with you. And if he's willing, to pack his little bag. She can take everything she loves. His toys and even his beloved cat.
But you don't think your child will decide to leave? That can happen, too. And according to John, you have to give him free will. Then promise him you'll come back for another visit.
Leaving won't be easy. If the child wants to come with you, he'll still need a little support. It's not easy to leave. It's not easy to tell the people around him that he has to leave them. You will probably need to hold his hand tightly, wave together, but go. Go on and on, even though you may be moving away not only from a place you know intimately, but perhaps from people who were or are important. Don't stop. Each time you turn around, you will keep going on and on until the space you started from disappears completely.
Can you see what's in front of you? Imagine the people there who now love you and with whom you are comfortable. They call you and wave to you. Reassure the child that you will reach them. You'll make it together.
And when you finally arrive, show this child to everyone, introduce and allow them to love him too. For you are strong. You have yourself. And you can do it - be proud of yourself. It's okay to cry, or be confused, or angry. It's okay to feel any emotion.
The child you have taken from the past into your heart will always be close to you. Even if you've never felt at home anywhere. Maybe it wasn't about the wrong apartment, floor, street, city or state. Maybe it was all about that inner feeling that often develops in us from the cradle.
Why communicate with your inner child?
Communicating with your inner child is a key step on the path to personal development and mental health. There are several important reasons why this form of self-discovery is crucial:
Recognizing and processing emotions
The inner child carries emotional experiences and memories from childhood. Communicating with it allows one to identify and process these emotions, which is key to being able to effectively manage life's surely emotionally charged challenges.
Coping with trauma and pain
Many of us have experienced various forms of trauma or pain in childhood. Communicating with our inner child can contribute to healing these wounds and help us better understand negative patterns of behavior that may have their origins in the past.
Strengthening self-esteem and self-love
Communicating with your inner child can be a key factor in building self-esteem and self-love. It provides us with the opportunity to comfort ourselves, appreciate our own worth and build a stronger relationship with ourselves.
Transforming destructive patterns of behaviour
The inner child also carries behavior patterns that can manifest destructively in adulthood. Through communication, we can identify these patterns and work to transform them, thereby achieving positive changes in our present life.
Developing relationships with others
By nurturing our inner child, we can better understand our needs and expectations in interpersonal relationships. This facilitates deeper and healthier connections with people.
Therefore, communicating with our inner child not only helps heal the past, but also creates a stronger foundation for future mental well-being and a happy life.
