"I like nice bodies too, but you can't be young and beautiful forever," thinks a gay man who grew up when homosexuality was still a disease about the cult of beauty
Karl, given that you grew up in the former Czechoslovakia, of course, the classic comparative question comes first. How different was society's attitude towards the gay community then compared to today?
The attitude towards the gay community was completely different before than it is today. The change is probably related to the overall greater access to information, and it is also influenced by the fact that today young people are less shy about declaring their orientation thanks to this greater awareness in the media, for example. In the past, homosexuality was not talked about in any way, at least I don't recall any talk targeting this topic in my environment. However, there was a lone "weirdo" in every village. But mostly no one connected that loneliness with his sexual orientation.
And to what extent could he even relate it? Nowadays, information about practically anything can be easily found on the internet, and the media is also much more open. So everyone is aware of the existence of a different sexual orientation. In the past, however, this was certainly not the case...
Of course, and because of that, it was very difficult for a lot of people to enter life. I myself, back in my military service, around the age of 20, had the idea that my lack of interest in all things feminine would be a minor lapse from which I would eventually recover. And this despite the fact that my infatuation towards boys was clear to me perhaps since kindergarten and girls left me completely indifferent.
So where did you get your information?
Information was hunted for in different ways back then, the prize was if one came across a kindred spirit. Official publications described homosexuality as a disease that could be cured in some way. And the worst part was that even the various pamphlets aimed at teenagers only mentioned it in the form of warnings about strange people who might want to take advantage of the teenager. The fact that these books are read and lessons sought in them even by those who, as they grow up, suddenly find that they perceive the sexuality around them somewhat differently from, say, their classmates or friends, was probably not something the various doctors who wrote them did not want to admit.
So if you could compare the pre-revolutionary life of gay people with today's - what would be the result?
It's much easier for gays these days, even if many don't want to see it. We don't have to deal with the problems that used to accompany life, gay and straight alike. It just takes not being afraid of it and living as openly as possible. Of course, the times are more hectic, more focused on all kinds of mammon and finding ways to come into money, as work-free as possible, but that's not what life is about. But the possibilities of the times in which one finds oneself are also to a large extent self-influenced. I have a lot of people around me with whom I get along, we share common values and perhaps, if necessary, we could support each other.
A certain "cult of beauty" is also considered a result of modern times and the use of social networks etc. This is really getting a lot of attention among gay men. Was it like that before?
I don't think the cult of beauty is related to the times, but rather to age. (laughs) In my opinion, the cult of beauty is mainly a matter of young and immature people. So one could add youth to the demand for a beautiful body and appearance. But not everybody can look like Adonis and nobody stays young forever. That's also why many gay men never find a partner to live with in their lives. Because constantly and at every moment they will meet someone who has a nicer body, better looks, and is even a little younger than the person they are with. I would recommend that these "dudes" visit a rural cemetery. They don't even have to go inside, just look up at the entrance gate. There aren't many kinds of inscriptions they can read there. The most common one says to incoming visitors, "What you are, we were, what we are, you will be". The wise will reflect on this, the foolish will remain convinced that their body and youth will remain forever.
So the importance attached to appearance and indeed youth changes hand in hand with age?
I would put it this way - I too still like a nice body more than a less nice one. But it's hard for a guy in his forties to believe he's in his twenties, even though he's trying his best. And hardly anyone will believe a fool for more than a moment that his muscles are more than his feeble mind. So the demands on a partner, I think, evolve over time for everyone in some way. In the early days, it's all about sexual gratification. I, for example, in my youth, could not imagine living and living openly with a man in addition to that. But when you eventually find the right one, your thinking starts to go in a different direction.
It's true that many gay men today - despite many dating options - have trouble finding the right one. If there is a certain "partner wisdom" that comes with age, what would you recommend to them?
I think it's mostly about the ability to tolerate, although everyone's boundaries are probably set a little differently. Especially in the beginning, though, young people in general are kind of more absolute about everything. They demand absolute beauty, absolute perfection, absolute conformity in everything, absolute sexual satisfaction, absolute fidelity. That's kind of how I might have imagined it sometimes. But in time, the wiser ones will understand that either they take the other as they are or they will never have anyone.
So you've wised up in terms of relationships. (laughs) Will there be any other valuable knowledge that comes with age?
My priorities have also shifted a bit with age, I've stopped chasing things that have proven to be ephemeral over time, and I'm trying to enjoy life and have a lot of people around me. Maybe I also appreciate my own family a bit more than I used to, although I used to feel that gay society could replace that family as well. But that's due to the fact that my own family and my gay friends are somewhat intertwined nowadays, and no one really cares how either of us is emotionally or sexually oriented. The question of what people think of me is not at all on my mind, and I've never cared much about it, it's everybody's business. But I think that nowadays, at least in general, the public doesn't really address sexual orientation very much. And there are a few jerks in every age and in every society.
Karel Mrnka is one of the people who, with a group of like-minded people, started to organize programs for gay people in student Olomouc in the late 1990s. At first, of course, entertaining and introductory, then also educational or inspiring. At that time it was a novelty outside Prague, but subsequently Olomouc became a regular meeting place for people from all over the country. For his countless activities, Karel received the beProud award for his lifelong contribution to the LGBT community.