"We knew from the beginning that we wanted to raise a child. Now we're about to get married," says the gay couple, who go by Buzny in Action on Instagram
They started out subtly on Instagram - as a couple sharing recipes, stylized food photos and small moments from their home. Today, Buzna's profile in action is more of an open diary of a relationship that takes place outside of the big city bubble and without trying to embellish anything. Fany and Jirka have gradually built a community of followers who are not only interested in cooking, but above all in authenticity: the renovation of the house, everyday joys and transgressions, but also topics that go beyond the usual lifestyle content.
At the same time, their story follows the shift that the profile itself is going through. From the beginning, when they were "just dating", they have moved on to building a home together, planning a wedding and now the adoption process. Without much proclamation, they show the shape of a queer relationship that is in many ways ordinary.
In the interview, they talk about how the renovation of their house transformed their relationship, why they decided to adopt, how they perceive the limits of Czech legislation and the reactions of their surroundings, and what happens when "cooking boys" become partners who share almost their entire lives together - online and offline.
When I look at your profile today and compare it to a few years ago, it's clear that you have gradually moved from being "cooking guys" to sharing much more widely - capturing not only your household, but also your daily life and relationship. What has changed most about you as partners in that time?
Fany: We originally did interviews when we first started together. What definitely changed is that we went from being such students and getting to know each other to a stage where we said that this really works, that we're good at it and that we want to build a future and a home together. We started thinking about living together. In the beginning we lived in my house where I grew up, then we moved into an apartment and it's been about three and a half years since we bought the house and decided to renovate the whole thing and make it our own.
In one of your previous interviews for LUI magazine, you openly presented your new home, which was undergoing renovation at the time and also reflected a certain life change. How challenging was this period for you? Renovations and changes in personal life often put a significant strain on relationships. Did you also see it as a kind of test?
Jirka: I think it was definitely a test. It showed what roles we play in our relationship, where we can agree and where we have differences. At the same time, we have verified how effectively we are able to work together on common issues.
Living and planning a home together is only one part of this test. But relationships often move on - some partners start thinking about parenthood, others go down the path of caring for animals. How do you feel about this? If it's not too personal, are you thinking about children in the future?
Jirka: We are thinking about it and we are actually already in the process of adoption. We've got it all done, we're enrolled, and now we're waiting for the call that hopefully will come one day.
Fany: We were clear from the beginning that since we bought the house and started building it, we wanted to have at least some animals in the house - we're both used to them. I was more active in this direction, while Jirka was more cautious and, since we were still in the stage of a house under construction, he considered a cat as the maximum option. Eventually I pushed for it, which worked for the first three months or so. Gradually, however, it became clear that I was closer to dogs than cats, and once the weather improved, I was able to push for a dog. The beginning was quite wild, but we got through it.
At the same time, we agreed from the beginning that we wanted to raise a child in the future. So we applied last fall, went through the whole process, and are now waiting for further developments.
Congratulations and best wishes for a successful outcome! The Czech Republic is perceived in the European context as a relatively tolerant country towards LGBT couples. Moreover, since last January, there has been a new institution of partnership, which has unified some rights, but not all - for example, the area of adoption is still only partially regulated. As a couple, do you also perceive certain legal limits, especially in view of the fact that you are planning to have a child?
Fany: We are not in a partnership yet, that's coming this July. Even the regional office told us that after the amendment last year, some things have moved on, but the whole process is still not completely simple. In practice, this means that if we get a child, it will be legally registered only to me for the time being. Jirka would then have to go through another administrative process to be recognised as a parent as well.
Are you planning a big wedding? What are your thoughts on the process?
Fany: Finances play a role, of course, but we currently have about 86 friends and family members invited. The wedding will take place near our home, in a large barn. The key for us is not how many people show up, but rather that we set the whole day up to suit us. We want it to be truly about us, to match what we love, and to be enjoyed to the fullest. We have only invited people who we know have a close relationship with us.
Jirka: It's uncomfortable for me in some ways because I'm not the kind of person who seeks attention. The idea of having the whole day focused on us is a bit stressful for me. But I believe we will enjoy it in the end and it will be a pleasant experience.
I'll keep my fingers crossed. I'd like to get back to your work. It's changed a lot over time - besides food and lifestyle content, you now share a lot more of your daily life. Do you feel like your audience is connecting with you differently than before? And has the audience itself changed?
Fany: Certainly the sheer number of followers has changed. Nowadays, people are more interested in the renovations and the different transformations than the cooking itself. It's even more attractive when the less hilarious moments are included. Our house is actually one big "failure", but we always managed to move it forward somehow, and that's what people enjoyed - they kept their fingers crossed and followed the whole process.
Sometimes we got unsolicited advice, but that's part of it and you take it in stride. On the other hand, it often happened that people themselves offered us help, material or useful contacts, even though we didn't know each other personally. That was very nice for us, and it is moments like that that we share with them.
Do you also encounter negative reactions? Because nowadays, content often reaches outside our own community and gets into completely different social bubbles...
Fany: There are only minimal negative reactions towards us personally. The situation where someone would accuse us of being two men has happened maybe twice in the whole time. Much more often it's more about reactions to specific content. For example, in the video in which we prepared sausages for the witches, a discussion developed about the fact that we cut them "wrong" and that it should be different. So it's more about that type of criticism than personal attacks.
So it wasn't about your orientation, but rather the content itself?
Jirka: Exactly. That was even the milder case, but sometimes there are harsher comments that it's a stupid idea or that we're doing something wrong. When it gets into another bubble, it just happens.
A lot of people today talk about how society is more polarized than it used to be. Do you see that as well? Maybe in relation to LGBT issues?
Fany: Honestly it's more outside of our bubble. We don't live in Prague and we don't perceive it in our neighbourhood in any significant way. And it doesn't pop up on Instagram that much either.
Jirka: But at the same time, when it comes to topics like weddings or adoptions, it's obviously more sensitive there. You perceive that people have different opinions on it.
If the adoption process is successful, do you plan to share your life with the child afterwards?
Fany: We would definitely like to. It's natural for us to share our personal life on Instagram and it's our side income as well. But at the same time, if we don't want to, we don't have to share anything. There are days when we have a lot of stuff at home and maybe three or four days we don't post anything. Then sometimes it happens that followers text us to see if we're okay. We definitely want to share the baby somehow, but we don't want to make it a profile just about the baby.
Are you prepared for the possibility of harsher criticism? After all, same-sex parenting is still controversial for some of society.
Jirka: We're kind of counting on that. It's part of it. Parenting in general is a sensitive topic, where a lot of people feel they're doing it best and others are doing it wrong. And with same-sex couples, that's compounded by the fact that some people think they shouldn't be raising children. So I believe there will be some negative comments, especially when it gets into another bubble. But I don't think we're the types that would be fundamentally upset by it. We can handle it.
By sharing a home, common worries and joys, and maybe even a life with a child in the future, as two men, you are showing an image of a queer relationship that is not based on stereotypes or sensationalism. Do you see this as a kind of silent activism?
Fany: Maybe partly yes, but we don't take it as if we are some kind of activists. We just live a normal life. We have a regular job, nobody cooks or cleans our house for us, we do everything ourselves. The same goes for building a background. We just share how we work. It's like any other couple - some can cook, some can't, and they have to get along.
Jirka: But of course it makes us happy when someone writes us that they had some prejudices and thanks to us they have reconsidered them.
Fany: That happened to us, for example, during the parenting preparation course. We were the only same-sex couple there. After a while, we happened to meet one of the couples who had also taken the course, and the man from that couple told us that our presence opened his eyes and helped him to see some things differently than before.
It often turns out that personal experience can change attitudes - the moment people actually meet queer people, they start to see some things differently. You yourself go by the rather provocative name "Fags in Action" on social media. You've mentioned this in past interviews, but can you elaborate on how this name came about and what led you to start sharing your life?
Fany: It came about right at the beginning of our relationship. When we were invited somewhere, people would sometimes ask if "the guys" or "the fags" were coming. But it was always from friends or family and it wasn't meant in a derogatory way, so we didn't mind. Gradually we started playing with the label, and eventually it became the name of the profile.
In the beginning we mainly shared cooking, styled photos and smaller home projects. The turning point came with a house renovation that brought a significant increase in followers, and at that point we didn't change the name anymore. We also considered it in the context of a future child to see if such a name was appropriate, but decided to keep it for now.
Have you had an alternative name in mind?
Fany: We had a few options, but a lot of them were already taken. Plus, it pigeonholed us a lot. We don't want that. We don't want to be defined just by being parents. We want to show our whole life. So we've rejected those options, and we'll see what happens.
I'll come back to the wedding. As I mentioned, in the Czech Republic there is the institution of partnership, which guarantees almost the same rights as marriage, but differs in name, among other things. Does that matter to you?
Jirka: I don't think we're completely based on it.
Fany: We were rather surprised by something else. When we went to the registry office to deal with the formalities, they didn't have forms adapted for two men or two women. I was listed as the groom and Jirka had to fill in the blanks. This was more annoying than the name of the partnership itself.
Do you think we will ever see full equality in the Czech Republic? If we look to the West, it's mostly already working there, whereas in Slovakia or Hungary, for example, the situation is getting worse.
Jirka: I'm a bit worried if we are getting closer to the East. But we'll see. It's hard to draw any conclusions.
At the same time, surveys show that the majority of society would support marriage for all. What explains the political representation not reflecting this?
Fany: It's hard to say. Maybe they are afraid, or maybe they just see it differently and stand by it. Maybe they take it that they don't want to accommodate these people. We can't see inside their heads. But it's sad that people can behave like that nowadays. We're still hoping that one day it will change.
I have a question for you that may be a little tricky. Why is it that some people even today, in the 21st century - including some politicians - cannot understand queer people, or even feel hatred towards them?
Jirka: It could be because they still see it as something abnormal, as a disease or deviance. That they don't just see it as an orientation. At the same time, the media often show the extremes, like various extravagant manifestations, which most people don't live. And then people get a distorted image of it. Maybe the way some events look on the outside also contributes to this, and then it casts a bad light on the whole community.
Do you think queer people are still pushed to be as accepting as possible to mainstream society? That there's still some pressure on them?
Fany: I think there is. Sometimes you catch yourself, like when we're walking down the street and we're holding hands, in some situations you feel like it's not quite cool and you'd rather let go. We act more like friends than a couple to avoid any conflict. I think a lot of people still have that.
Jirka: I also think that the pressure is still there.
You've been together for a long time and you're about to get married. For readers who are just at the beginning of a relationship - how do you think partnerships change over time? Is it still the same as when you started?
Fany: It's definitely changing. We've been through different situations and I think it's made us much stronger as a couple. We have gradually built a strong relationship, although there were moments when it wasn't quite easy and it wasn't clear how things would turn out.
I think communication is essential, even though it may sound like a cliché. I used to have a problem with it, I tended to keep things bottled up. But gradually I learned to talk about them, which helped a lot and moved us forward.
Do you feel the same way, Jirka?
Jirka: Yes, I see it the same way. I think that also thanks to what we went through together - for example, the reconstruction - we have a relationship built on a solid foundation today. I believe it's a relationship for a long time.
In your opinion, is there any "recipe" to maintain the relationship, apart from communication?
Fany: We may be a bit specific in some ways. We are together almost all the time - we work from home, we have a common profile and circle of friends. There's not much room to be apart, but we're actually comfortable with that. We do most things together. And sometimes when Jirka goes to Prague, for example, I realize how much I miss him.
And you don't have a submarine when you're together practically 24/7?
Jirka: Paradoxically, it's made us stronger. Since we are together all the time, no sub has actually come. Some couples, on the other hand, have been broken up by it, but for us it works the other way around. As Fany says, even our friends say that we're a bit special in this, that we can be together all the time.
Is there anything you'd like to do to push your profile and social networking further, apart from maybe focusing more on family life?
Jirka: Probably more to continue what we're doing. And naturally, to include what's coming up - so possibly a child. But we are not planning any major shift.
Fany: It depends how it will be. Maybe we'll go crazy one day and do a purely parental profile, but I hope not. If our friends ground us. We want to do what we're doing now, at most improve it, but not change.
Have you ever considered making social networking your main livelihood? That you would be a "full time" influencer?
Fany: We have. I would love to invent and make videos, but you need a partner to do it. And Jirka isn't exactly the type to put himself on display or to film things all the time, so it's more complicated. Plus, sometimes we disagree on style - there's a lot of "cringe" content these days, but I like nice, slick and stylized videos. So that's also a problem sometimes. We have some collaborations and we're happy for them, but making a full-time living out of it would probably not be ideal for us.
Jirka: We were also referring to the fact that we live outside of Prague. Most of the events are held there and it is more difficult for us to participate in them, spend more time on the spot and make new contacts.
