"What is important is not the composition of the family, but that the child has love and a stable background," says a gay couple from Olomouc who are raising two young children
On Instagram, they look like a close-knit, calm and very active family. They talk openly about parenthood and at the same time do not hide the fact that their path to children was much more difficult than for most families in the Czech Republic. Michal and Robert Dok, who go by the Dok Family profile on social media, have lived together for twelve years and are now raising two young children. One of them is a successful businessman and hairdresser, the other a dad on parental leave.
In the interview, they describe their journey to parenthood through surrogacy, years of uncertainty, legal grey areas and the moment they first realized they were finally coming home as a family from a long and exhausting journey. But they also talk about why they chose to share their family life on social media, the reactions it provokes, and why they believe it doesn't matter if a child grows up with a mom and dad, two dads, or two moms, but if they have a stable home, security, and unconditional love.
How did you guys meet?
We met at a disco, about 12 years ago.
Twelve years together is a long time. When did you first have the idea that you wanted to be parents one day? Was it a topic from the beginning, or did your relationship gradually grow to that?
Definitely not right away. In fact, we didn't even know it was possible. But we had friends around us who were dealing with IVF (a method of assisted reproduction in which an egg is fertilized with sperm outside the woman's body in laboratory conditions and then the embryo is transferred to the uterus, ed.) and surrogacy, so we became more interested in it. About six or seven years ago, we came across Two Dads on Instagram and connected with them. We were researching what route they were taking and what the options were. And because we knew the story of our friends here in the Czech Republic, we wanted to bring it all here. But we knew from the beginning that we wanted children.
The two dads are one of the first couples to openly share the topic of same-sex parenting on social media. Do you think anything has changed since then about the difficulty of the whole journey?
Our first email communication with them was in 2019. At the time, they described the journey across the U.S., but it was clear that it wasn't going to be viable for us - not only because of finances, but also because of the language barrier and mandatory psychological testing.
To say it would have been easier would not be accurate. We took a different path than Two Dads. Their experience was important to us, but we had to find our own way. The option of dealing with the whole process in the Czech Republic is not easier in my opinion - quite the opposite. In some ways it is even more complicated than in the United States.
So the American option was not an option for you from the beginning. What was the main obstacle?
It was practically unavailable to us. Six years ago, we were financially in a completely different place and the sums that were being discussed in the US were beyond our means. At the same time, the guys openly told us that the whole process involved a significant language barrier, psychological tests and a lot of paperwork. In English, we would quickly get lost in the shuffle without a translator, and we couldn't handle legal matters in a foreign language on our own. This would also mean additional costs for lawyers, which we could not afford.
So you started to focus on the possibilities in the Czech Republic. How difficult was it to find a domestic solution that was realistically feasible?
If you have a sister, cousin or a really close friend who is willing to carry the child, it's realistic. But finding a surrogate anonymously - via the internet or various websites - is extremely difficult and also very risky. Unfortunately, we have been through it too. Since 2019, we have been in a relationship with a woman who has been pulling the wool over our eyes for almost a year. We even had a lawsuit last year because of this. These are exactly the kind of things that you are not prepared for at all and they wear you out terribly.
I think this illustrates well how much risk surrogacy in the Czech Republic entails when it is not clearly anchored in legislation.
Exactly. It is virtually unregulated in the Czech Republic. The clinics usually go ahead, they have no problem performing the procedure, but they want the person to find the surrogate themselves. Unless it's a family member or someone you trust 100%, you have no security. The paperwork doesn't really work in this regard and the legislation is a grey area. So in the end, that's why we decided to go abroad. We entered the whole process together with another couple from the Czech Republic.
Were you in contact with the surrogate during the pregnancy?
No, we had contact after the birth. We didn't have direct contact with her during the whole time, which was quite stressful and risky for us. But we did receive videos of ultrasounds and similar recordings. Even so, we weren't sure if the videos were really of our babies or if they were being sent to more people. Once a month, sometimes once every three months, we would get some information from the doctor's check-ups - how the heart was beating, that everything was fine. But you keep wondering if this is really our surrogate mother.
So the uncertainty lasted practically until the birth.
Yes. We had no direct contact with her, no phone number, nothing. We didn't see her for the first time until the day of the birth, or the day after the birth. Then we met a few more times when we were abroad dealing with all the documents - birth certificates, paperwork and so on. Even now we are in contact with the surrogate.
How difficult is the administration involved in the whole process?
In our case, it has already gone relatively smoothly and quickly. Within a fortnight we had birth certificates in three languages. With these we then went to the embassy to arrange our return to the Czech Republic. Upon arrival, we had DNA tests to confirm that the children were biologically from at least one of the fathers. Based on these results, the registry office then issued Czech birth certificates and the children were granted Czech citizenship.
After the birth, birth certificates are always issued with the biological parent. However, as of 1 January 2025, the law has changed: it is no longer a registered partnership, but a domestic partnership, and if two men marry, the other partner can adopt the child. We're not married now, we're not planning a wedding until a few years down the line when the children are older.
But joint adoption is still not possible.
No, joint adoption is still not possible. The way it works is that if one partner is the biological parent, the other partner can adopt the child after the partnership. But joint adoption is not yet possible.
Have you ever considered adoption as an alternative route to parenthood?
We have considered it, but our experience in the Czech Republic has rather discouraged us. We know a couple who spent two years going through the OSPOD, they went through all the checks, and in the end the child was not given to them anyway. They were held to high standards, even though they were both highly educated. Two years of someone coming into your home, checking up on you, investigating the family environment - and in the end it may not work out at all. We found that terribly exhausting. Adoption is difficult even for heterosexual couples, let alone same-sex couples. Plus, we wanted to try to have biological children.
What was it like for you the first time you held your children in your arms? Was it immediate joy or was it relief?
There was a lot of uncertainty all the time. The road to having children was extremely long and full of complications - lawsuits, fraud and unexpected twists and turns. We were also worried about the agency, because in the event of any failure we had no idea what the consequences would be. Honestly, the real relief came when we passed passport control and were on our way home. It was only then that it fully dawned on us.
By then, we knew of many stories where a couple had discovered a few days before the birth that the baby would not be theirs after all - for example, because the surrogate was working with multiple candidates at the same time. For this reason, too, we told almost no one about the whole journey. The parents found out a little earlier, but most of the people we knew didn't find out until a few weeks before the birth, some even after we returned home.
When we left to pick up the kids, we told the neighborhood we were going on vacation. We had even been home for a few days before we started texting our closest friends about everything. We wanted to go through the whole process as quietly and privately as possible - not least because we weren't sure until the last minute if everything would actually turn out well.
How did your parents react to the news of your children's birth?
My parents were delighted. Of course there was concern at the beginning if everything would turn out well, because the process is complicated and full of uncertainties. But today they are very happy, they help us a lot and if they could, they would watch the boys all the time.
And friends?
When we told them, some of them immediately called us via FaceTime to see if it was really true. They knew about all our failures and problems, so they were touched and very happy. Until then we told them we were going on a long vacation, we even said we were taking a car to Finland so that nothing would get out.
Were you ready for parenthood?
Because our journey to parenthood took about six years, we had enough time to prepare for it gradually and thoroughly. We listened to podcasts about parenting and parenting in general, and the moment it became clear that it was really coming, we also went to antenatal classes - quite common among mums and their partners. We also educated ourselves through YouTube. We've done a lot of reading and studying on these topics, perhaps even more than many parents who have gone through all of this without much preparation.
How do you divide up childcare?
We care for the children equally. In the beginning we used to get up together at night, but now we usually take turns. We don't see it as one "helping" and the other being the main caregiver. From the beginning we are both connected to the children.
For the first six weeks, we were home with them together almost all the time. This is a big difference from the traditional model where the woman is on her own and the man goes to work. We set up our functioning differently right from the start - and I am convinced that this has fundamentally influenced how we function as a family today.
We can't take maternity leave as entrepreneurs, but we can take parental leave. Honestly, we didn't even count on it, we only found out after we returned to the Czech Republic, when we sorted out our insurance and registry. It was a pleasant surprise for us.
After some time you decided to share your story publicly on social media. What made you do that?
More inspiration than anything else. Once we did, we wanted to show that it can be done - that you can travel with twins, that you can live a normal life, go low cost, be in nature and go to the sea.
So the goal was not just a personal confession, but also a form of motivation for others.
Exactly. Within two months, about twelve thousand people started following us, and a lot of them write to us saying that we give them energy, that they look forward to our stories. It's not just the LGBT community, but also older people or parents who have grown children. We think of it as making people happy and giving them hope.
Do you also encounter negative reactions on social media?
Honestly, there's not a lot. There is some on Facebook sometimes, and on TikTok it's sometimes harsher, but it's really a small percentage. In real life, we haven't encountered anything downright negative. We're more surprised by the positive reactions of older people - for example, on the tram or on the street they tell us that we have beautiful children or that they wish us well.
So the positive reactions are more prevalent?
Yes, definitely. On Instagram, there are sometimes comments like "who's the mommy" or claims that the baby needs a mommy, but these are not outright aggressive hits. We don't delete these comments and usually don't respond to them. Often, a debate will develop underneath them amongst other followers themselves and sort it out amongst themselves.
There are also opinions that children should grow up exclusively in a so-called "traditional family"?
Yes, this also appears. But at the same time, we often hear from people with their own experiences - for example, someone who grew up in an orphanage who writes that they would rather have two loving parents than any other environment. It is these responses that are very powerful and important to us.
Have you thought about what it might be like for children later on - perhaps in kindergarten or school?
Yes, we have. We have given the children a bit unconventional names, they are not in the Czech calendar, but we take it that we live in modern times. A lot depends on how the parents of the other children at home put it. If the parents say it's normal, it's normal for the kids. In Olomouc people know us, we have built a name here, mainly thanks to our work. For the kids, it can be more of an advantage than a problem. Of course, anything can happen, but I believe that in a few years the company will be a little further along.
We can see it around us now. The nieces, nephews and younger brother are all taking it quite normally. The kids, who have known us since we were kids, don't care that we're two guys. For them, it's just the reality they've grown up with.
So the key is the upbringing and the attitude of the adults.
Exactly. A lot depends on how the other kids' parents explain it at home. If they tell them it's normal, the kids will accept it as normal. It's usually not the kids that have the problem, it's the adults. And honestly, I don't think it will be as bad as people sometimes say in the future either. Of course, anything can happen, but I think today's generation of kids is much more open-minded about this than they used to be. (Michal)
Is there a myth about gay parenting that you think is repeated over and over again?
Probably the most common myth is that it depends on whether the child is raised by a man or a woman. In reality, what matters is whether the child is loved, safe and has a stable environment. All parents, regardless of orientation, have to deal with that.
So in everyday functioning, you're actually dealing with exactly the same things as other parents.
Exactly. We deal with whether the kids are eating, whether they're healthy, whether they're sleeping. That's universal parenting. And when you see a happy, calm child, you know they're in a good environment.
If you could change something about the system or the legislation, what would help you the most as a family?
For us, a database of verified surrogate mothers would help a lot - some kind of official registry that would be linked to clinics. Today, unfortunately, it can happen that someone deliberately deceives you and is practically not responsible for it.
Moreover, surrogacy is not only for same-sex couples, but also for heterosexual couples who fail to conceive. IVF clinics are overcrowded today. It would make all the more sense for the whole process to be regulated in some way and for there to be real penalties for breaking the rules.
What advice would you give to a couple who are just thinking about parenthood and are at the very beginning?
Certainly to sort it out within themselves and be sure they both want it. Prepare for the fact that it may not work out right away, that there will be setbacks and disappointments. And, of course, count on finances, because you can't do it without them. Not to collapse after the first failure, to stick together and to have a background - not only financial, but also relational. We tried to prepare everything so that we could really enjoy parenthood, not just "survive" it.
I find it strange when someone wants children at 40 but has never held a baby in their arms, been with them all day or babysat them. It's one thing to borrow a baby for two days and another to care for it long term. It's good to at least try a little bit of that.
We had a lot of kids around us, we babysat them, we were with them all weekend. We saw what it was like and we knew we wanted to do it. Not just the big kids, but the babies with everything.
