"I was masturbating five times a day," says the man who decided to stop the compulsive habit. It was only when he quit that he realised how deeply it was affecting his relationships, his work and his self-esteem
When Aleš first utters the sentence "I really masturbated five times a day," there is no shame or attempt at sensationalism. Rather, it's the weariness of a man who's been through something that's usually kept quiet. We sit together in a café not far from the bus stop where he used to get off the tram several times a week, head home, lock himself in his room and disappear into a world he no longer enjoyed . An escape, a ritual, a drug... take your pick," he says.
Ales is thirty-three. He works in IT, plays sports, and although he's a bit of a "nerd", as he admits, from the outside you'd be hard pressed to notice that much of his adulthood has been defined by a habit that is usually downplayed in the culture. But he speaks of a compulsive addiction. "It wasn't fun. It was something I had to do to feel normal. Don't ask why, it didn't make sense to me either."
The moment that changed everything
Ales describes that the worst was during the pandemic. "I was always tired. When something upset me, I went to the computer. It was like I wanted to turn my head off. And it really shut down for a while," he says.
"She wrote to me that burnout was getting to me and that she was worried something was wrong. It was a perfectly ordinary message, but I realised I was being found out by someone who didn't even know what I was doing at home. And that it's not normal."
Two days later, he stumbled upon an online nofap community. "I didn't expect to change anything. But when I read stories of people writing exactly what I was living... I got a little scared. And I was a little relieved that I wasn't alone in that."
He decided to try 30-day abstinence. "I used to set an alarm, and when it came on, I went out. Even in the rain. Anywhere. Just don't shut yourself in."
He describes the first week as "crazy". The second, he says, was even worse. But things started to change over time.
When the world lights up again
"I had more energy. Suddenly I didn't want to cancel plans with friends. I exercised because I felt like it. And most importantly... for the first time I felt in control."
"My partner told me one night that I had a different look in my eyes," Ales recalls, "that I was looking at him fully, not through him. I realized how long I had been elsewhere in spirit. We were sitting on the couch together, but my head was completely out of it. I was constantly running away. Now I feel like I'm really next to him."
At work, the change was similarly concrete. He finished an assignment that had weighed him down for months. "I had it written out like eight times. I still couldn't get back to it. It wasn't until I quit the habit that I started focusing differently. I don't know how to put it professionally, but it was like the noise in my head narrowed."
Looking back today, he speaks rather soberly about his six months of abstinence. "I don't want to say it's a miracle. There are days when it pulls me back. But it's not autopilot anymore. Now I have the opportunity to make a decision. And I didn't have that before."
When a personal experience turns into a movement
The nofap community builds its identity on narratives like Ales'. Stories of people describing a return of energy, better focus, or feeling like their sex life has "rebooted." Shared experience can be supportive - a person who feels alone in abstinence suddenly sees that their experience has parallels.
But this is where the line between personal story and general rule becomes apparent. Many of these transformations occur mainly in people who have really struggled with masturbation as a compulsion. For someone else who has it as a normal and healthy part of intimacy, the same experiment might not yield anything at all.
The "nofap world" is full of powerful statements, but also simple statements that don't account for how different human sexuality can look. For some, abstinence will help them regain control, for others it would just artificially erect a boundary around a behavior that is perfectly fine for them.
And therein lies the movement's biggest pitfall: the personal triumph of individuals sometimes begins to be interpreted as a universal guide. The reality is much more layered. Each person has a different relationship to the body, a different sensibility, a different history. What is a path to peace for one may be an unnecessary constraint for another.
What the studies say: masturbation as a natural part of health
Research has long shown that masturbation has many benefits. Experts cite them fairly consistently:
1. Stress reduction and tension relief.
Orgasm activates areas in the brain associated with relaxation and calming. The body lowers cortisol levels, which can have a positive effect on the psyche.
2. Promoting sleep.
Oxytocin and prolactin, which are released after orgasm, contribute to easier falling asleep. For some people, this is one of the natural ways to close out the day.
3. Better self-awareness and body awareness.
Sex therapists talk about masturbation as a space to explore one's own boundaries, reactions and preferences - which tends to be useful in relational sexuality as well.
4. Release of muscle tension.
Orgasm physiologically relaxes the pelvic floor and other muscles involved in stress responses.
5. Possible prevention of some prostate problems.
Some studies suggest a link between more frequent ejaculation and a lower risk of prostate cancer. This is not a definitive conclusion, but medicine has been following this finding for some time.
These data suggest that masturbation itself is not harmful to health. The trouble comes not from the activity, but from its function - when it becomes a means of escape, an addiction or compulsion that takes away from a man's time and attention.
Balancing two worlds
Aleš's story has power precisely because it is based on his particular situation. Not for the first time, it is shown that when masturbation becomes an escape ritual, it can destroy relationships, work and self-esteem. But at the same time, many people masturbate regularly, without regret and without it interfering with their lives in any way. For them, abstinence would be pointless - it would not make them feel better, it would not solve anything.
So the key is more about why one masturbates. Whether it is a pleasurable, voluntary act, or an automatic response to stress, boredom or loneliness. That's where the line between a healthy habit and a vicious cycle starts to become much clearer than in counting how many times a week it happens.
As Ales sees it today
When I ask him if he can ever imagine going back to masturbation, he searches for the right words for a long time. I just needed to wean off something that was keeping me down so I could see how I live without it."
He doesn't come across as someone who has found a new direction in life, more like someone who has regained control after years. "I'm not convincing anyone. For me, it helped because I had taken it to the extreme. If it wasn't an addiction, I wouldn't even be dealing with it. Masturbation is normal. Mine wasn't."
Where's the line
Aleš's story shows how different forms the same addiction can take. For him, masturbation was a way of escaping pressure and fatigue, and it eventually pulled him into a spiral he no longer wanted to live. Abstinence helped him calm his mind, his relationships and his work life.
But for someone else, the same step would have been an unnecessary restriction - it would have deprived him of one of his natural ways to relax and be in touch with his body. Masturbation is a healthy part of sexuality as long as it doesn't complicate one's daily life. When it becomes an obligation or an escape, however, it makes sense to take a closer look.
Ales now walks home the same route he used to. The difference is how he feels when he closes his apartment door. "I used to go back to what kept me grounded," he says. "Now I finally feel like I'm the one who makes the decisions."
