"The key to addiction treatment is that the therapist must be able to put aside his or her own ego," says a woman who has experienced addiction firsthand and now helps people through a unique treatment program
Do you remember the moment when you finally told yourself you were quitting alcohol? What really made you do it then?
For a long time, I felt internally that I was not okay and that I was drinking too much. I didn't want to admit it. In fact, I wished someone had noticed something was wrong with me. I was suffering from anxiety, depression, I wasn't happy in my partnership or with myself. I woke up one morning with a swollen, bloody ear. That's when my husband asked me to go with him to the doctor. I said yes. I entered addiction treatment, but I wasn't firmly committed to quitting drinking. Within the first few days, I met with a therapist who had been abstinent for ten years. It was a great breath of hope for me at that moment. About a week later, the big decision came: "I'm never going to hurt myself again!"
Today, you're on the other side - running a therapy center and working with people who are experiencing what you once experienced. What do you never want to leave out of your work because of your own experience?
Your own story and openness is important, combined with your professional training and experience. You need to have a broad view of the problem. I never forget humanity, understanding and respect for people. In addiction treatment, it is essential for the therapist to set aside the ego. Only then can clients trust him. By being an abstinent therapist - and nowadays not only me but a whole team of people who set an example - we give clients enormous hope.
You've developed a 33-day treatment program that has above-average results. What do you think is its strength and what is often missing in traditional treatment?
What is often missing in traditional treatment is the individual approach and the in-depth treatment of the problem. I know myself that you need to therapeutically address the root cause of addiction. It is usually just the result of unresolved pain and trauma - often across generations. Traditional treatment focuses primarily on behavioral re-training. For three to four months, clients live in a greenhouse environment with a rigid routine and learn how to live without alcohol or drugs. We do it the other way around. We look for the causes of addiction - and with that comes relief, understanding and insight into one's own behaviour. Only then does change come. The stay lasts 33 days, followed by regular outpatient therapy. Clients then change their behaviour naturally and with gusto.
It is evident in your approach that you perceive the human psyche in a complex way - you deal not only with habits, but also with the body, emotions and spirituality. Why do you think this is necessary?
Childhood is the cradle of adulthood. Even when we are young, we are dependent on our mothers, or parents. And then there is a natural independence, a separation from parents into adulthood. This is where the first germs of dependency often arise - sometimes even earlier, but this is the key moment. Addiction does not only affect the area of addictive substances. It can also be the inability to stand on one's own two feet, to live one's life. And that's what it's all about - seeing yourself, your feelings, your direction. To live in love with yourself and others. To live for yourself. That's our goal.
You say that addiction is often not an escape from reality, but an escape from the pain of the soul. How do you recognize this inner state in a client who may not be able to open up?
Addiction is an escape from reality and from the pain of the soul - the two are not mutually exclusive. When a person is suffering, they are escaping from ordinary reality because they don't want to feel the pain. Imagine, for example, a child who is constantly being told to be perfect: "You have to get straight A's or you won't get into school" or "You have to be able to do this, every little child can do this." These patterns of behaviour run rampant in the psyche until one day they become too much to bear and running away becomes a reality. Otherness in gender, relationships, love - these are all themes that can be at the root of addiction.
Those who really want to get out of addiction will eventually open up. But it depends on the skill, personality and character of the therapist. A good therapist can open the client up.
Your therapy team is made up of people who have been through addiction themselves. Do you think that changes the dynamic between therapist and client? And in what ways specifically?
It definitely does. A therapist who has experienced addiction themselves knows exactly what they are talking about. He knows all the feelings and experiences down to the smallest detail. There is no substitute for training. This is why clients are not afraid to open up and have confidence. They see before them a living example that change is possible.
You mention that women face addiction differently than men - often at turning points in their lives. What is the common denominator of these crisis periods?
A woman is naturally made for motherhood, family and partner life. She creates a home, gives love and care. When this natural development is disrupted - whether through a dysfunctional relationship, unfulfilled motherhood, marriage breakdown, empty nest syndrome, aging, or even the realization of a different sexual identity - addiction can erupt. These are the turning points when a woman feels lost, meaningless or unfulfilled.
When a woman is dealing with addiction, she often feels that she has to "save the family" first. What helps her to put this burden aside and allow herself to start with herself?
I always say, "If you're happy and you're laughing, your family will be laughing, too." The key is how the therapist can empathize with the woman - and also at what stage of addiction she comes for help. Sometimes all it takes is a few minutes and the decision is made. Other times, she has to fall a little lower to understand. It is also important that the family must experience life without her. The 33 days that a woman spends on herself are healing, not only for her, but also for her loved ones. The family must learn to function independently - and that is a valuable experience.
You treat people in residential and outpatient therapy. When do you think one makes sense and when does the other? What's the key decision?
When a client calls for help, I talk to them in person or on the phone. I have them describe what's bothering them, their history of addiction. And then I offer a meaningful solution. The key is that it makes SENSE - that the client is motivated and truly determined. With such a person, we will always come to an agreement.
And if someone suspects they have a problem but doesn't want to admit it yet - what would you say to them? What could be the first step that doesn't hurt, but still opens the way to change?
Don't be on your own. Not being afraid to ask for help. Find a therapist who inspires confidence and try calling or writing to them. It has been my experience that the moment a client feels a sense of purpose and trust, they want to continue therapy. And that's the first step to recovery.
