I'm a single gay man and I want a baby. I'll move heaven and earth to make it happen

I started to find out about surrogacy options for single men in 2016. I had no idea at the time that it wasn't legal. It wasn't until 2019 that the law changed to allow single people in the UK to become legal parents of children conceived through surrogacy. In the meantime, I met my boyfriend and we were together for four years. Right from the start, I told him, " I want to have children."

It was important for me to have a child of my own. My partner agreed, but it was more like a distant dream. He lived in Cornwall, I lived in Kent, and when the pandemic came, everything went sideways. As soon as the world started to get back to normal, I said to him, " I want to go into surrogacy." It wasn't because I wanted a baby, but I knew he didn't want one that badly. And I didn't want to wait anymore - not for an ideal partner, not for a relationship that might get in the way. Within a few weeks, I decided to go it alone.

I didn't encounter any prejudice, perhaps because I surround myself with people who love and support me. But I always knew that as a single gay man wanting a child, I would be in the minority.

I contacted Surrogacy UK to try to find a surrogate mother through their online and in-person meetings. It works a bit like an online dating service - you meet other gay men, straight couples and individuals looking for a surrogate and build a network of contacts. Last year, I joined My Surrogacy Journey (MSJ), which in contrast works by matching through algorithms, similar to traditional dating apps.

In the beginning, I didn't know which path to take. There is gestational surrogacy, where a woman carries a child but is not genetically related to it, and traditional surrogacy, where a woman uses her own eggs. But when I had fertility tests, I found out I was a carrier of cystic fibrosis. That meant I needed an egg donor who didn't carry the gene. I opted for eggs from the bank because they're thoroughly screened.

I made contact with a surrogate last year through social media, but she didn't end up choosing me. You can't take it personally - it's about mutual sympathy. With so many single people and infertile couples wanting a child, it's hard for surrogates to decide who to help.

To choose an egg donor, I went through thirty profiles in one week. I was looking for a woman who resembled me in some way - at first I had red hair on my list, as I am a redhead myself, but that severely limited my options. I also kept an eye on BMI, as we tend to be overweight in our family and I didn't want to put my child at the same risk. In the end, I found the ideal candidate - she had her own children, a good education and seemed full of energy and zest for life. At the end of her profile, she wrote a message to her future child, "If you ever decide to seek me out, I'd love to meet you." She was willing to meet the child when she grew up.

In the UK, it is illegal to pay for egg donation; donors can receive a maximum of £985 (about £29,600) to cover the cost. I bought a packet of ten eggs, but they ended up giving me thirteen. Last April I underwent ICSI, a method in which sperm is injected directly into the egg. All thirteen eggs survived thawing, nine were able to fertilize, and I ended up with five viable embryos. The whole process cost me approximately £15,000 (about £450,000), including ICSI and the purchase of the eggs.

I'm still looking for a surrogate mother. I can't find one abroad - for example, in Mexico it would cost me £70,000 (£2,101,540), and in the US it would cost over £100,000 (£3,002,200). I don't want to look for cheaper options with uncertain care. Similar to when I had a hair transplant - I opted for the UK instead of Turkey.

I was lucky enough to inherit a certain amount of money eight years ago, half of which I invested in housing and saved the other for surrogacy. I didn't have to turn over every penny like many other people. Last year, I started messaging a surrogate again on social media, but she didn't end up choosing me. With MSJ, it takes up to 18 months to pair up, but I'm hoping to find the right one within six months.

How long does it take to have a baby through surrogacy? Some people see their babies in 18 months to two years, others in four to five years. And even finding a surrogate isn't a guarantee of success - I've heard stories of several failed attempts, miscarriages and then the coveted pregnancy came.

It's hard not to have a partner to support me and help me make decisions. Am I ready for this? I don't know. But I know I want to. I can't bear the thought of not at least trying. I haven't found a suitable surrogate yet - I'm trying not to stress about time. Being asked three times to be godfather is an honor, but it's not the same as having a child of my own.

I feel like my life is on hold. I don't enjoy Christmas anymore because without a child it loses its magic. My mom always said she was born to be a mother. And I think I was born to be a father. I'll do anything for that.