"I was raised by my dad. I didn't realize he was gay until after his death, he sacrificed his life for me," Jiří summarizes his family history
George, your story is quite complicated. Can you first summarize how it happened that you grew up with only your dad?
That's not exactly complicated. My mother died when I was five. Cancer. I don't really remember her much. So as much as people say it's a painful loss, I guess I've kind of pushed through that period. It's also true that my dad was really devoted to me and tried to be kind of a two-in-one.
So no other woman ever came alongside Dad after that?
How's that. There were quite a few women around him. Even though he had to look after me, he had a good job, he was quite well off - I think by 1970s standards. In fact, you could say he was certainly a good lot. (Laughs) I remember occasionally a lady would come up who was quite persistent for a while, but it never led to anything. I didn't really see it as a kid. And eventually, even as an adult, I didn't give it much weight. Dad was just a solitaire.
Didn't you find it strange that your dad never found a partner?
My dad said he only had one love in his life, my mom. And it sounded pretty convincing... But it was a different story. Dad was gay. He wasn't interested in women at all. But for my sake, and so he could continue to raise me after Mom died, he decided to deny himself. I understand that today. In those days, even the suspicion that he was attracted to men would have been a complete discredit. And a gay man raising a child alone? That would have sealed my fate...
But if Daddy was gay, do you have any idea why he married your mommy in the first place?
My parents were married in 1966. I think that's reason enough. (laughs) If you wanted to live then, you had no choice but to conform to those norms. Whether my mother knew how it was with my father, I don't know - and I'll never know. But I know for a fact that when she died, basically Dad's whole life began to revolve around me. And in retrospect, it must have been incredibly difficult. My grandmothers lived far away, it was really just the two of us. But my dad took care of everything, I don't know how he did it all.
How did you find out that Dad was gay? Were there any clues?
I didn't find out until after he died, which I'm very sorry about. I'm sorry that my dad spent his whole life hiding who he was. And he kept it from me, too. I'd like to tell him he was the best dad you could ever imagine. And that I would have loved him just the same even if he had told me. And how did I find out? When I was dealing with the estate. I went through his things and found his private correspondence. It was a lot of love letters - from a man. Actually, I found out that Dad had a boyfriend, but he saw very little of him and in secret. Usually when I was on holiday at my grandmother's. And then when I went to boarding school. I discovered a whole new side of my dad. Too bad it wasn't until after his death. He was very sensitive and obviously loved his friend very much - and he loved him back.
Did you manage to find out anything about your dad's friend?
Well, I tried to play detective. (laughs) I felt at times that it was my duty to find this gentleman and tell him that Dad had died. But the last letter was dated 1988. And that's a really long time ago. I haven't been able to find out anything about him, unfortunately.
And you haven't identified any other signals of Dad's orientation in retrospect?
In fact, I think the main signal today is that he never found another woman. He had two close friends, and they would come home to help us sometimes, but today I think they probably knew that about him too. But that I had maybe some mysterious uncles (laughs), no. Dad obviously managed to separate his family life from his private life very strictly.
Today, many conservatives are expressing concern over the fact that children are being raised by lesbians and gays, hence same-sex couples. You were basically raised by a single father and a gay one at that. However, from what you've described, I don't get the sense that this has negatively affected you in any way...
I certainly don't feel marked. (laughs) I was a beloved child, a child to whom his father devoted his whole life. And consider that he was basically alone in raising me. Then when I went away to school and became independent, even then my dad didn't stop supporting me. He was that solid anchor for me, the person I could always count on and turn to in any circumstance. I don't think even many children growing up in that proverbial traditional family, with both heterosexual parents, can say that about their dad these days, unfortunately. So my only regret, and my only regret, is that I didn't find out who my dad was until after his death. But that realization doesn't change my relationship with my dad at all.
