Gay or straight, lovers (and mistresses) all men want the same. Gender matters more than orientation, study finds
What kind of long-term romantic partners you want is determined more by your gender than your sexual orientation, new research shows. The findings, which were published in the peer-reviewed journal Archives of Sexual Behavior, give a better understanding of how sexual orientation and gender complement each other when it comes to choosing romantic partners.
The topic of choosing sexual and romantic partners is not new to researchers, they have been studying it for hundreds of years. Typically, however, studies have focused only on the heterosexual world and different-sex relationships. Research looking at the criteria by which lesbians or gay men choose their partners is rare. Nor is there much scholarly work that compares these gay and non-gay worlds. The research conducted at the University of Wuppertal in Germany is thus a very welcome contribution to the debate on love, relationships and diversity.
"There is a large body of empirical literature on what we prefer in partners. But it mostly focuses on individuals who seek out opposite-sex partners or who identify with a heterosexual orientation," study author Lisa Klümper told PsyPost. "The literature on mate choice for other sexual orientations is sparse, but it is crucial to get more data to explore the similarities and differences between individuals of different sexual orientations. Factors such as gender, sexual orientation, and long-term vs. short-term orientation (e.g., preferences regarding committed long-term relationships and short-term sexual affairs that differ from gender) should be included."
Hundreds of gay, thousands of responses
For their study, Klümper and her colleagues interviewed thousands of people, specifically 23,935 individuals they reached out to through a large German online dating site. They then selected 328 bisexual women, 130 lesbians, 157 bisexual men, and 95 gay men from those contacted for an analysis focusing on the mate choices of gay individuals.
Participants were then asked to rate 82 characteristics of potential partners on a scale of 1 (minimally important) to 5 (very important). These were criteria such as emotional affection, intelligence or financial stability. In addition, participants were asked to indicate the lowest and highest age they would be willing to accept in a partner.
In addition to these ten general characteristics, respondents were then asked to rate 10 criteria for marriage, such as their partner's (in)employment, income, level of education, physical appearance, or possible children. For each item, participants were asked to indicate whether they would be willing to enter into a marriage with such a partner.
Gays choose the same as hetero
Sifting through the thousands of responses received could not have been easy, but by conducting an exploratory factor analysis, the researchers determined the preferences of LGB people when choosing a partner. These 11 factors are supposed to be the following (order does not play a role):
- Caring partner
- adventurous partner
- an educated and intelligent partner
- sophisticated partner
- physically attractive partner
- an accommodating partner
- witty partner
- homely partner
- an even-tempered partner
- a partner who likes children
More interestingly, however, it turned out that certain areas of partner choice were consistent across the sexual orientations of the respondents. Regardless of whether the partner was to be a straight man, gay man, bisexual man, straight woman, lesbian or bisexual woman, many of the requirements for an ideal partner were the same for all of them. For example, provision (finances), attractive appearance, intelligence or tenderness were universally desirable.
Thus, the demands for an ideal partner are the same for all men, no matter if they are gay or not. Similarly, women also agree among themselves on what their other half should be like. But who disagree are men compared to women.
The biological sex of those surveyed played a much bigger role in choosing a partner than sexual orientation, the researchers found. "When we compared the partner preferences of lesbian, gay and bisexual people, we found that they were not that different from those of heterosexual individuals. Gender had a major influence on the shape of partner requirements," Klümper said.
"This finding goes hand in hand with the idea that different psychological mechanisms can work independently. Thus, differences in sexual orientation do not necessarily lead to differences in partner choice," the lead researcher further explained.
Zdroj: GiphyDomestic beauty vs. gentle adventurers
So what kind of lovers and partners do men want? Physical beauty reigned supreme in men's demands, as did domesticity (Could it be that the cliché that all men want is a sexy cook?). Men were also more willing to accept someone unemployed or with a lower income than their own as a potential spouse. Men were also more willing to have someone younger than them as a partner.
Women, on the other hand, were more likely to want to date someone who was gentle, intelligent, secure, adventurous, and could make them laugh, and they would be more likely to welcome someone in a marriage who earned significantly more than they did. They also wouldn't mind marrying someone with more education or not as attractive. As for age, they would not mind if the person was older than they are.
What the study does not answer, however, is, for example, how much these preferences change given the individual femininity or masculinity of the respondents. In other words, whether "how gay" someone is plays a role. And that's exactly what the study's authors note. "Our study has a major catch in that we used a categorical approach to work with sexual orientation. It was useful for comparing results with previous research, but future studies should use a more comprehensive assessment of sexual orientation - using a continuous scale to assess how individuals relate to same- and opposite-sex partners, their experiences with them, and their desires for them."
