He didn't live his own gay life, he devoted it to taking care of his mother. He didn't even tell her who he was. "I have no regrets," says Václav, 70
Václav, you are almost 70 years old and currently live in the same household as your mother, whom you care for. Has it ever been otherwise?
My relationship with my mother is very complicated. As is my whole story. I'm not her biological son, when I was a baby she took me in and raised me. God only knows what would have happened to me if she hadn't. Of course, there was a stage in my life when I moved away from home, but my mother was already quite ill by the time I was growing up. And I'm still of the generation that honored my parents. My father died young, I wasn't even ten at the time, so my mother was very attached to me. So even when I went to teach from our village to the county town, when I saw how my mother was struggling - and how she was struggling with health problems - I came home again.
Your mother had no one else to help her?
No, I think that's ultimately how things went on. When she lost her husband, I mean my adoptive father, it affected her a lot. Her parents weren't alive at that time either, and her sister, my aunt, wasn't in good health either. So my mother began to focus on me - really giving me all the care she could, I would dare say at the expense of her own life. Even when I left for teaching, I didn't feel good about it. Then I went back home for a few years and then left again for a short while because of my personal life... only to return again eventually...
When did you begin to realize that your orientation was probably not going to be entirely easy? And did it have anything to do with the periods when you weren't living at home?
I was already sensing during my adolescence that I might not be a completely normal kid. But I attributed it more to growing up alone with my mother. I didn't have that dad, so I figured my interests were probably tainted by that. Even though all my classmates were hanging out with girls at parties and gradually starting to form relationships, I - when it came down to it - felt very self-conscious. And most importantly, I wasn't even attracted to it. It was the sixties at that time, so homosexuality was definitely not a visible issue. At first I didn't even think anything of it, but it was when I started my apprenticeship and stayed in a bigger city for a while that some information came to me. And so I began to realize how it might be with me.
What did this realization mean to you? Did it change anything in your life?
It was a relief at first, I finally knew what was wrong with me. I mean, I finally began to understand why everything that was happening to me was happening to me. But I also gradually began to figure out the implications of that fact, and that wasn't exactly helping. And then my mother's health began to deteriorate, and I had to go home and concentrate on things other than continuing to deal with my difficulties.
And then the second time I left home, what was that about?
My mother was, shall we say, very intense. I was less than twenty when I started caring for her. She didn't really understand that I needed my own space. The specificity of the situation could also be illustrated by the fact that she didn't think it was strange that I hadn't brought a girl home yet. I mean, she was struggling with mental health issues, it must be said. The fact that no woman had ever appeared by my side was never really a concern of my mother's...
So your mother doesn't even know you're gay?
No, the subject never came up in our house. My mother is also a strong believer, and I can't imagine she could have taken that information in. I'm not even sure she'd understand it. As I said, she had suffered from mental problems from a relatively young age, so I didn't want to make it any harder for her.
If I understand correctly, you've been taking care of your mother your whole life. Did you have any space to live yours?
I guess it depends on how you feel about the whole thing. I'm grateful to my mother for taking me in and taking care of me. So I approached it as a way of giving back. I've really been taking care of her since she started needing it. I'm retired now, but I've commuted as much as my situation allowed. And the truth is, I haven't given much care to my personal life. First of all, it was quite difficult at the time, and we lived in a small village. I couldn't go far - and I didn't want gossip to spread. I did have a few short-term loves, but given my situation, and indeed the social set-up that was there, nothing else came of them. And now it's too late for anything...
But you sound quite resigned...
If I wasn't, I probably wouldn't be here... anymore. (I always took things as they came. My mother turned 90 three years ago. I'm turning seventy at the end of the year. But I can still take care of my mother, after all, I have many years of experience. And what will happen after that, I don't want to think about it too much. I have a few close friends, so I believe that if I eventually need help myself, perhaps they will offer it to me too. But I don't regret the way I've lived my life. It's been a good life. Even though some may not understand it, for me, everything I chose to do for my mother, even though it was often difficult, had a purpose.
