"A man's gotta be a man! Men never cry! Get a grip, you're not man enough!" We all know. What about a man in a skirt? Can he still be a proper man?

Tight jeans, cosmetic procedures, make-up or nail polish. Isn't it fashionable for "normal guys" anymore? When did this *imagine a picture of a man in a skirt* become more attractive than this *now imagine a picture of a man in a suit*? Where have the "real men" gone? Except that the masculine look is gibberish, it's a social construct, an invented marker of an identity that is itself built on markers and wouldn't exist without them. What are these signs given by? Only by their social requirement. And that changes, as we can easily see.

In ancient Egypt, the foundation of a man's wardrobe was the skirt. The most wealthy wore embroidered and embellished skirts, wore jewellery, and men were meticulous about their appearance. Those who did not take care of themselves were considered to be in decline. Is that not manly enough? Let's go back to antiquity, to the muscular bodies of gladiators. And the long robes and the emphasis on intellectual ability, artistic and philosophical education. The height of masculinity back then, as well as the lots and lots of gay sex that went on between gentlemen.

The quest for the template for the "right guy" can continue into the Middle Ages. Typically masculine trousers appear, but carefully complemented by skirts and long coats, ideally in velvet or silk. As we progress into the Renaissance, trousers turn into tight tights, bright colours, elaborate coats, ruffled sleeves, lace (floods of lace!) and heels appear. An exclusively male affair.

In the 18th century, wardrobe creations moderated, but wigs came into their own. Powdered, groomed, perfect. No man who wanted to show style and modernity would leave home without one. Men's fashion saw its greatest moderation in the 19th century. Fit and silhouette were key. But how do you achieve the perfect silhouette? With a corset. Yes, even men reached for corsets to achieve the shape dictated by fashion.

Just a regular guy

Why this excursion into the past? Because it shows that the image of the "proper man" was changing. It is not something fixed, determined by the laws of nature, eternal and unquestionable. It's determined by the times, by fashion, by social norms. Don't worry, I hear you, "So times have changed, now it's normal to be something else." But... What is "normal"? I like to paraphrase a line from The Matrix: What's the norm? And how would you define it? "Normal" is a word that makes everything that doesn't fit the norm into something bad. "Normal" is an instrument of power and oppression.

Demanding that men look like "normal guys" at the same time doesn't even demand normality, but an artificial ideal. We are bent on the idea that normal = right, but if normal is what is the majority, then we have a problem. We are demanding an image of man that doesn't actually match what is the majority at all. There are undoubtedly far fewer chiseled gym beauties than men with a bit of a belly or skinny arms. If what the majority is normal, then the alpha male from the underwear cover is definitely not.

What a "real man" looks like

Isn't the answer already clear? The "right guy" doesn't look like anything. It's not about looks. Looking for a male identity out there is a mistake. It's not in the clothes, it's not in the jewelry, it's not in the hairstyle, it's not in the physique, and it's not in the genitals. A man is who he feels he is. Do you see your identity as male? You're done. Everything else is a social construct and a triviality of history.

Why do men have to look "like men"? Why do we want a world where everyone's appearance signals what gender they are? To make it easier for others to understand their surroundings? One could perhaps argue consideration for others, which one might even understand, but as an argument it is not penetrable. I'm supposed to look a certain way to make life better for you? Would you want someone to force you to dye your hair and tattoo your face because they find it more pleasing?

Reminds me of the anecdote about the pink babies being girls and the blue ones being boys. All babies look the same (a donut in a pram, sorry not sorry) so we label them with colours so other people know what genitals they have. Kind of hokey, huh? And it's just as ridiculous to demand it in adulthood. Not to mention that there are very few situations where you wouldn't know the other person's gender.

If you profess a masculine appearance and try to "be a man", that's fine. The question, though, is how much of that is actually comfortable for you and how much is an effort to conform to that meaningless norm and be free from judgmental looks or snide remarks, but that's your business. What is not your business is other people's appearance. And their way of how they function with their male identity. When you mock someone for saying that men don't paint their nails, that men don't wear glitter, or that men are supposed to have muscles, you're not promoting the beauty of being a man, you're showing those around you that you think it's okay to be an unsuspecting victim of manipulation.

We're doing it to ourselves, gentlemen.

At the same time, by acting this way, you are educating the other men around you to also promote boilerplate masculinity and demand it from others with critical remarks. The result is that we then all slap ourselves as men for laughing at each other for not being man enough, and then we break ourselves in the gym and forbid ourselves anything feminine lest we happen to be the laughing stock of others again.

How do we get out of this so that all of us boys, men, gentlemen, and men can live better and freer lives? Just be yourself and encourage others to be themselves. It doesn't mean being an arrogant macho dick, it means understanding that you can wear a lacy top, that you can drink Frisco, and that you can wash yourself with a peach scented shower. You don't have to do any of that, you may find the idea of fruity bath foam repulsive, but none of that makes you less of a man either.