Gay in a Moravian village? "We really didn't expect such a reaction from the neighbours," summarises the mother of a teenage son of a difficult family period
In the first part of the interview, we discussed with the mother and son what it was like for both of them in the time before their son's coming-out. The drama eventually led to a family argument, during which the otherwise patient and calm father of the family reportedly "exploded".
Blown up? Sounds very dramatic...
Mom: That was one morning. I made pancakes because the boys liked them when they were little and I thought we could sit down at the table and sort things out. But my son didn't want pancakes.
Son: Because I knew exactly why you were making them! That it would cost me an interrogation! (to mom - ed.)
Mom: Anyway, we had a fight and my son yelled at me. What did you yell? (to the son - ed.)
Son: Leave me alone. And I don't want no [bleep] pancakes.
Mom: Well, my husband couldn't stand it. He grabbed him by the neck and that was it. What did he say to you then? (to my son) I ran into the hallway, I admit it. I was sorry and scared.
Son. He never yells. He really doesn't. I was that little! He basically grabbed me and yelled at me to tell him immediately why I was being a jerk and that I wasn't raised that way.
How did you react?
Son: Like I said, I don't think my dad ever yelled at me that close, so I started crying. (laughs) And then I blurted it out, well.
By spill, I guess you mean coming out. How did your folks take it?
Mom: I was surprised, but I think it was fine...
And your son's impression? How did you feel your parents took it?
Son: You didn't know much, admit it!
Mom: I admit it was a shock at first. I thought I had a boy at home who wasn't interested in relationships yet. I would have been surprised even if he told me he was already dating a girl. Let alone that he was dating a guy.
You mentioned the village, Moravia, school... What was the hardest part? Living in Moravia, being from a small village, having classmates who don't go far for ridicule, or was it the parents that were the worst?
Son.
Mom: And what could you have been so afraid of at home, please tell me... (to my son - ed.)
Son: I was afraid of being an exotic. I didn't know much myself... Well, in the end, I did fine at school. Everyone who was friends before is still friends. And jerks are still jerks. Nothing's changed. Parents, apart from a few stupid questions, are good too...
Mom: Those weren't stupid questions! You were less than 15 years old! I wanted to make sure you were safe and not doing anything you weren't old enough to do!
Son: Well, that's exactly the kind of stupid questions I'm talking about. Talking to your parents about that, that's terrible. (laughs)
Well, my mom told the neighbors, which I don't know if I'm entirely grateful for. (laughs)
Did you tell the neighbours that your son was gay?
Mom: I know I let my mouth drop, but since we talked about it so much at home, somehow I didn't realize you might be upset. ( But we talked it out, and we're good. Actually, the neighbors surprised us - or at least me - a lot. No one was concerned. On the contrary, my friend who lives nearby even told me to calm down and not to worry about it. In fact, last year at the barbecue next door, my son already had a friend with him. We really didn't expect how trouble free it all was. No one dared say anything bad, or at least we don't know about it.
It's silly to think of people from smaller towns as not understanding or somehow hardened. I think we stick together a lot more than people in Prague or other cities. It's really a slander that being rural automatically equates to being a bunch of rednecks. I'd really like to hear that, because it seems to me that small towns have been talked about a lot lately as brainless settlements. I personally find that very offensive.
Is that why you wanted to go into this conversation?
Mom: I did. I'm sorry about the division between Prague and small towns. Like right now around the election, you hear it a lot everywhere. Sometimes I even get into discussions on the internet and I always regret it afterwards because it's something terrible.
Son: I told you not to write anything. The internet is full of jerks.
I wrote to you (to LUI - ed.) because I had a really bad time when nobody knew "it" about me and I didn't know what to do. It's been three years now and I'm somewhere else. It's totally fine, nothing is happening and hasn't happened, but at the time I felt like I was experiencing the end of the world and my life. It was really horrible for me. I would love for maybe a boy or girl to read this who is scared to go to school because "it" will be found out about them, or who is scared to say "it" at home. Or maybe they don't know what to do with themselves, because I really couldn't sleep, I was always angry - at those around me and at myself.
Why on myself?
Son: I felt like I was lying to everyone. And that I was weird. That there was something wrong with me. I didn't want it to be like that. That's why I ended the long-distance relationship - by text, like the biggest pussy. I was sick of me. I felt like what I was doing wasn't right.
Ended it? I thought you two were together...
Son: We are again. But then I really cut it off completely for a while. Then we had long secret phone calls and texts again, then we fought again... It went on and on because I didn't know what to do. I wanted to be with him, I missed him, and I wanted it all to go away. So I wouldn't have to deal with it. I felt like it was ruining my life and my nerves.
Were you relieved as soon as you said that at home?
Son. A stone fell from my heart. I was worried about the rest of it, but not so much.
So you'd like your story to help someone? Maybe someone who's also just starting school and doesn't know themselves. He doesn't know what to do...
Son. Maybe they could take something from it.
Mother: I'm proud of my son.
