A festive combat mission: surviving Christmas with relatives "on kill". Learn techniques to stay on top of the holidays and manage family strife
Although most people (at least a little, secretly...) look forward to the Christmas holidays, there are an unpleasantly large number of stressors during this period. Few people manage to get through a few days in the company of parents, grandparents, children, cousins and nosy aunts and uncles in complete peace and quiet. No wonder, then, that the only joy that comes at Christmas is not infrequently that associated with going to one's own home (or with the departure of others to their homes). However, experts also agree that Christmas is a really stressful time, which for many people means a disruption of their comfort zone, resulting in feelings of discomfort and stress...
"It's not wrong to feel uncomfortable, you may even observe various physical signs of the stress you are experiencing, such as a pounding heart, a flushed face, etc. By being aware of them, you can accept them and prevent them from grading," psychologist Caitlin Magidson explains thus. However, when a person does "hit the soot" (or just feels like pounding his head furiously against the wall), it is definitely not a major personal failure, but a logical outcome of an unusual situation. But how to pass the holidays ideally without the proverbial "loss of a flower" (and furious quarrels or at least a sprinkling of unpleasant remarks)?
Boundaries!
Is your mother asking you again when she's finally going to see the grandchildren? Or your grandmother asking when the wedding is? Christmas is not infrequently riddled with similar unpleasant questions - especially if you have not been in intensive contact with your relatives for over a year. But how do you quickly shut down a conversation like this? Setting boundaries is key , according to Magidson. If topics come up that don't sit well with you and are too personal, simply say so clearly and politely. While clear boundaries can be quite difficult to establish when it comes to those closest to you, experts say it's the best way to put a stop to all intrusive questions. So the next time someone asks you if you are already living with a spouse, planning to get married/register or even have children, don't be afraid to respond with something like, for example, that you appreciate that your loved ones are interested in you, but you are not ready to share this information yet.
Keep calm!
While setting boundaries can be a functional tool to ward off (even well-intentioned) "information attacks," sometimes it can simply come down to too much. Even at a holiday board, someone may say something that simply makes you mad... and there will be no room for "boundaries". But there's no point in counter-attacking and making a scene. If something like that happens, another expert, Kelly Neupert, suggests calmly escaping the whole situation - and walking away. "For example, go to the bathroom and wash your face with cold water. It's a great way to slow your heart rate and buy time to respond meaningfully, instead of committing to an immediate reaction," she explains. But since women in particular can't just run into the bathroom and get all "refreshed" (that is, at least unless they want to look like the Joker afterwards), there's another option - proper breathing.
So once you feel like it's too much, focus solely on your breath, take a deep breath and try to concentrate on the present moment. This will help you gain perspective and calm you down - after all, deep breathing is the easiest and fastest way to calm down, even according to science. Alternatively, you can also do the old-fashioned "counting to ten", which is a great prevention against saying something you will later regret.
Zdroj: Giphy
But if you want to use something else to calm down besides deep breathing or counting - liquid, forget it. Although drinking alcohol is one of the classic coping mechanisms for stress, knocking back a bottle of eggnog, a pot of punch or a few glasses of something harder is definitely not the best way to bridge the "holiday family stress" gap. On the contrary. Alcohol can eventually make the situation even worse. So if you can't deflect your loved ones' interest in your privacy or even breathe it, try to escape for a walk rather than turn to alcohol.
You're not alone!
While meeting the family around the Christmas tree may sound like an "idyll", in many cases this annual event turns into more of a battle mission and a test of patience. It is not surprising, then, that in that context, self-reproach can eventually set in. After all, it's great that you're all together, healthy and cheerful - and yet you're still "eaten up" by the curiosity of a fifth cousin or the intrusiveness of your parents (and it doesn't necessarily have to be just personal life issues). In that case, repeat to yourself as a mantra that the situation is the same everywhere - and not only your family can be "on the kill" from time to time. Still - no matter how much things may be creaking at home over the holidays - try to be above it all and be grateful that you still have someone to be with (and who wants to be - despite all the friction - with you) over the holidays. And then feel free to have that eggnog together, too.
