"Gay men are terribly unpleasant to each other when they feel they can afford it. Dating has hurt me," says Petr from Prague
You contacted me based on an article about weight loss and finding love. Do you have a similar experience?
Yes and no. Unfortunately, I haven't been able to lose weight. I've tried many times, but I have some health issues, plus we're just overweight in my family, so in my case I think it's a lost cause and I'll never look the way others might want me to.
Is it about others, or is it about what you wish for?
I think it's more about other people. I've always been at peace with the way I am and that it will never be different. Even in elementary school, I was the strongest in my class. I was never very good at gym, and I didn't enjoy it. On the other hand, because I always went through bullying because of my weight, I learned to see people for their personalities. I wouldn't mind if my friend was overweight too or had some other physical problem. The thing is, I've never met anyone like that.
When was the last time you went on a date?
It's been a while. I've been on dating sites, and there have been some dates, but mostly it's been a disaster. There was rarely a second date, and when there was, it usually ended up with me paying for both dates, and that didn't sit well with me. It was obvious that these were guys who were primarily concerned with, say, the dinner at the time. I didn't judge, I went along with guys who admitted straight up that they were in a difficult financial situation. But it still didn't work out in the end.
Was it always your excess weight that was to blame? If you don't mind me asking, how much do you weigh?
I'm currently a hundred and twelve kilos and I'm a hundred and eighty-three centimetres tall. That's kind of my standard. When I was losing weight, I managed to lose maybe five or six kilos. And then the yo-yo effect brought it back. I have such a metabolism.
You live in Prosek. Has it always been your home?
I've lived here since I was a kid. My parents live downstairs and own both apartments. The lottery of fate gave me a great family. I guess I can't have everything. I was hoping I wouldn't be here alone for so long. At this age, I've wanted to live with someone for a long time. I'm thirty-eight years old and I haven't made it yet. I think it's possible that I'm driving guys away - it's clear I want a serious relationship and I'm saying it outright. I think gay men are generally more set up for looser relationships, and I'm not into that. I want to live a monogamous life, no infidelities and stuff. I'm not attracted to that and I don't want a partner to get involved either.
You said you've tried dating. Not anymore?
Dating sucks. They hurt me a lot. I've tried it for quite a long time - I always have a period where I download it and hang on to it all the time. I try, I write. Hardly anyone gets back to me, and when they do, you have to keep trying and keep writing because those people are so terribly inactive. Also, there are a lot of trolls and people like that who just come there to laugh at others.
You got laughed at on a dating site?
There's a lot of people who go there just to boost their egos. I've been called a fat pig, a pork belly, a lazy slob... And they don't even know me. They don't know anything about me, and yet they act like that. It's really disgusting news sometimes. I've had a couple of times when I've gone to appointments and nobody's come. They didn't even apologize. I just don't get this, if people have nothing else to do but make fun of other people on dating sites...
So you've finally given up on dating?
I don't want them anymore. Sometimes I think I'd try it again, but I don't know. I don't think it's worth it.
Have you tried looking for love elsewhere? Like at a party?
Like gay bars? I don't go to bars in general. I don't really like it. I'm not really the extroverted type, and I don't even know who I'd go out with. I tend to spend most of my free time with my family. I like to watch movies or play a game. I like board games too, we play those at home quite a lot. The problem is, and especially in covid, there's no place to meet anyone normal. Or maybe I'm just unlucky.
Let me ask you a question: Have you ever been in a relationship?
Some shorter ones, yes. I mean, I used to see a guy at school for quite a long time. But it wasn't serious in the end. He was just the kind of guy who wanted to go out and go to bars and stuff. Other than that, no.
When did you tell your family you were gay?
I told my mom when I was, I think, sixteen or seventeen, and she told me that she knew all along anyway and that it didn't surprise her. Actually, it was a pretty brief discussion. Actually, it wasn't even a discussion. It was just totally cool. I've never had a problem telling anyone I'm gay. Even my high school classmates accepted it without a problem. Those who didn't like me bullied me more for being overweight than for being gay. That kind of shit in gym class and stuff. I don't remember ever lying to anybody. I have more of a problem talking to other gay people than telling other people who I am.
Is it the barrier between what you look like and what you think you should look like as a gay man?
I think so, because a lot of times when I've talked to someone, it's like a superiority that comes off. It seems to me that gay people are terribly uncomfortable with each other when they feel like they can afford to be. I can't do that.
