"My mother said I'd better keep quiet about being gay. According to my dad, my orientation is unnatural," the young man says of his coming out
How old are you, Luke?
I'm eighteen years old.
You're very young, still living with your parents, aren't you?
Yes. I live at home and I'm in high school. I'd like to go to college or university, probably for physiotherapy or something health-related, like a nutritionist. I don't completely trust myself as a doctor and I don't like blood, but I like a good attitude. I think it's important to take care of yourself.
You told me you have a lot of siblings. How many are there at home?
I have four siblings. Three a lot older because my dad was married before and he had a brother and sisters with his ex-wife. And then there's me and my brother, who's two years younger. Besides him, one of my older sisters lives with us and her daughter, my niece.
You also said that your relationship has changed since the beginning of the year and that you think your orientation has something to do with it. How exactly did you tell your family you were gay?
I've been thinking about it since I was, like, 13. Before that, I thought it was normal to hang out more with guys because I was a guy. But gradually I got more comfortable with boys than girls. When I was 13, I had a best friend from football. And I had to look at him all the time. (laughs) It bothered me when he found a girl. I wondered what it was. I didn't want to admit to myself that I was into guys. But gradually I accepted it.
Did this friend know you had a crush on him?
We had a fight because he didn't have time for me. But whether he knew why it bothered me so much, I don't know. We're not friends anymore. I don't even play netball anymore, I never enjoyed it anyway.
What motivated you to come out? The realization that you're gay, or an event?
I guess it was the realization. Cause I was trying out dating at the time, and I ended up hooking up with this guy. I was really looking forward to the date. So I wanted to tell my parents at home because I needed money from my parents for the date. (laughs) Well, my mom always wanted to know who I was going with and where I was going.
So first to the date: How did it go?
It was okay, but somehow it didn't feel right. He looked a lot different in the pictures than he did in real life, so we didn't see each other after that.
Oh, I'm sorry. And now back to my parents. What was their reaction?
I only told my mom at the time. She told me it was fine. And she immediately went to tell my dad. I didn't talk to him about it personally. I don't know, they both said it was fine, but I think it's a lie.
Was there some kind of argument?
My dad was spending more time with me before. We talked more. Now it's more my younger brother who talks to him more.
It's not just a feeling or a period?
It's not. I mean, even when my older brother and his wife came to visit for Easter, it was weird. That's when his mom told him how it was. My brother even laughed quite a bit that he knew I was gay, that I'd always been such a "dork". He meant it as a joke, I guess to lighten it up, but I was sorry. And then my mom said that the other people at the table weren't supposed to talk about it anymore.
No one told you directly that she had a problem with you, did they? I mean, anyone in the family...
Not really. My sister, who already has a kid, my niece, she's even talking to me more than before. She's even trusting me with the baby more, which makes me happy. I enjoy spending time with her. But the rest of it is weird. My mom is very careful about what she says in front of me, and I can see it in her. She doesn't want to talk to me about it, she averts her eyes. Every time I come to her to talk about it, she doesn't have time. She acts nice, but you can tell she's uncomfortable with the subject. And my dad told me that it's my business and he doesn't want to know about it. That he thinks it's unnatural, but he likes me, so he doesn't want to talk to me about it. But he also addresses my brother's complaints about his wife or my sister's problems with my niece's biological father. I feel like I'm the only one his problems aren't discussed with.
Yours is just uncomfortable with the subject, what kind of subject?
I think so. In our house, that kind of thing was never addressed - like, gay.
Have you introduced any partners to your parents yet?
I haven't really had one in a long time. I've been on dating sites, but I haven't really found a boyfriend.
And when you do, are you gonna bring him home?
I don't know. I guess, because he's gonna be my boyfriend and he's gonna belong to me.
Is there anything you'd like to say in closing? What's important to you? We talked about it on the news, that you're very sorry about all this...
I wish things weren't so weird. It's hard to tell parents they're doing something wrong when they're doing nothing. It's difficult for me. I feel like we've been separated ever since. And we've always been a very close-knit family. We have New Year's Eve parties, celebrations... There's always been a lot of talking and a lot of noise. But I feel like I don't belong now. So I'm hoping maybe something will change.
Can you send your parents a link to this interview?
Maybe I will. But I don't want to put pictures here, because I know my mom and dad would be mad at me for bringing it up. My dad thinks I should keep this stuff to myself, and my mom said she doesn't want me to tell people too much so it doesn't hurt me, so they probably wouldn't be happy. But I think maybe they might understand better how I feel about it.
I hope they do, and fingers crossed...
