"My parents gave me an ultimatum because I'm gay. I have to hide who I am," the young man says of the consequences of coming out
How old are you? You're still studying, aren't you?
I'm still studying. I'm graduating next school year, so it's probably the most stressful time I've ever had. I'm 18 - fresh. And even though I'm an adult, it's crazy to me that I have to do so much at once this year. Like the fact that in a year's time I'm going to have to figure out where I'm going to live because I want to go to school in Prague. It's very mentally demanding and all the changes are at once. It's not fun and it's a bit scary.
Have you chosen your direction yet? What do you want to study?
I'm going to study. I'm not very handy, I don't want to make a living with my hands. And I don't want to end up in an office with a boss stomping on me. I'd like to become a teacher. Ideally in an elementary school. I relate to that because my two younger brothers are a lot younger than me and I helped and still help raise them. Or maybe educate is a strong word. More like look after them. I love spending time with them. Even the homework they have for school they prefer to do with me rather than with their parents because my parents have no patience. I had that when I was a kid. I hated it when my mom supervised me on my homework. She was always nervous, couldn't contain herself. And my dad doesn't enjoy it at all, he literally suffers physically (laughs). So that's what I do, and I love doing it. It's like practice for me.
Apart from all the changes you're going through, you've had one big one that you've recently committed to, but it didn't really work out, did it?
That's one way to put it. How would I start... This is a hard one for me to tell, it's pretty fresh for now. But the gist of it is, I made a friend. It was actually my first major relationship. I'd maybe written to someone before, but we'd never seen each other or anything. I didn't have a boyfriend with a capital P until now.
Where did you meet?
There's nothing very interesting about that. I was at a classmate's cabin where he invited some of his friends outside of class. That's how we met.
Was it very intense? Did you fall in love?
I was actually flying on a cloud, so to speak. I was waiting for the news, thinking about him all the time. It was really nice. I've never experienced that before, I really couldn't sleep sometimes. I was out of it and it was great.
Is that why you decided to show your partner to your parents?
Yeah, I did. We had lunch at his parents' house first and it was totally cool. It was actually my boyfriend's idea for us to meet the families. When I was scared, he suggested we go to their house first. It wasn't at all weird like I imagined. We had a perfectly normal meal, we talked, I told them which college I wanted to go to, his mom even offered me some tests she took with her students freshman year of college. She teaches, so I was going to try something, even if the field was a little out of my direction. She was so nice and helpful.
Did things turn out differently for your family?
I went to my parents with a little more confidence, seeing that it could turn out well. But it didn't. They didn't accept it.
I went to my mom the day before and told her I'd like to bring a friend to lunch, but that didn't even happen. It started to get a lot of discussion and it was terribly awkward. Mum was even crying, Dad was shouting at me that I wasn't brought up like that and not to try this modern nonsense. My parents think that being gay is a matter of young people not knowing what to do with their time and wanting to be interesting.
Where did they get that idea? Did they ever explain it to you?
They said there weren't so many in their day, so there's no telling how many gays there are now. They said there were a few weird people, but everyone shunned them because they were different. It was kept secret. My parents are under the impression that being gay is a result of the internet and TV, because they say gay people are advertised everywhere now and it's brainwashing kids.
That must have been hard to listen to...
I was actually banned from the computer and TV for coming out. I defended my phone because I hid it and decided I'd just as soon pay my own tariff.
What did your boyfriend say?
He never even came over. My parents reacted so badly, I couldn't take him there. Plus, they told me that they just weren't going to tolerate this behavior of mine and I had to choose if I wanted their support in college or go live my adult life with my bad decisions on my own. I was given an ultimatum and had to choose.
Did you end up choosing one of the options? How did you work it out?
My boyfriend was very offended. He wanted me to ditch my parents, that we were going to go live together in Prague and that we'd work out the situation somehow. But he's a year younger than me. He's going to college a year later. What would I do for a year without money and alone? I can't even imagine. We finally agreed to keep our relationship a secret for a year and then try to work it out financially. But I don't know. I feel like our relationship has cooled off a lot since then. I'm cautious and my boyfriend takes it very personally, so now we're more fighting than anything else. We can't even see each other much, lest my parents find out. It's a problem and I don't know how to solve it yet...
