"We also face homophobia," say heterosexual men who are not manly enough in the eyes of others. What are these "gender traitors" guilty of?
I mean, what is homophobia anyway? According to the Merriam-Webster dictionary, it is an irrational fear of, aversion to, or discrimination against homosexuality or gay people. But this is only a very narrow view of the matter. What is crucial is the origin of this "fear". And it derives from the control of the boundaries of proper masculinity, of how society dominantly understands "manhood" - and not so much about the aversion to gays as such. As even scholars acknowledge, queer men usually face homophobic attacks because they are perceived by those around them as those who, by their very existence, significantly disrupt the basic norms of masculinity. After all, is there anything less "manly" than sex with another man? (Ahem). After all, even Margaret Atwood, in her dystopian The Handmaid's Tale, refers to queer people as "gender traitors" ... But "gender traitors" can be not only queer people/gay men, but in fact anyone who begins to violate the normative boundaries of "proper masculinity" themselves. And so, the victims of homophobia can easily be absolutely any men who, by their behaviour, arouse suspicion in others that they are simply not "man enough" to be considered "manly"... How does such "suspicion" arise? All it takes is for old familiar stereotypes to come into play.
"When I was in high school, the goth trend had just emerged. I liked it - black nail polish, eyeliner. That in itself was way out of the mainstream, but in a small town in Moravia it was like teasing a snake with my bare feet. More than once I was shouted at for being a 'slut', and a few times someone waited for me and made it quite clear and physical that he really didn't like me," recalls the otherwise heterosexual Petr. As he himself pointed out, however, it is possible to `cool' oneself for a similar attitude in less visible ways than just the fashion style (or philosophy of life, if you like). This is confirmed by Kamil, who was a tap dancer in his youth. "Other classmates were flying around outside with a kick boot, I took my tap shoes and went to practice. But jumping around in 'tap shoes', nobody was into that at that time. This was a girl thing. So I was immediately the weird, gay one," he sums up.
How do men evaluate other men?
But of course, the way of evaluating others is not unique to adolescents (although it is true that it can have the most problematic effects in this group). Even adult heterosexual men can face (and also perpetrate) homophobic bullying - it is enough, for example, if they work in a 'non-traditional' profession for men. After all, such a kindergarten teacher is quite a rarity even today, and those who choose this profession can easily prepare themselves not only for the label "gay", but also "paedophile". After all, proper men are not caring types - and to children, that includes women!
But the "signals" that some members of mainstream society still decipher that "something is not right here" can be many - from long hair and style of dress to professional orientation (especially the artistic one can be an indicator for some that a man is gay...) to interests that seem "unmanly". "My wife and I have everything a little backwards at home. She doesn't really enjoy the 'feminine stuff', but I love handicrafts. I knit, crochet. When I first brought crocheted ornaments for the tree to work, my colleagues were thrilled. My colleagues mostly just shook their heads and some even laughed at me. Personally, I don't deal with it, but I can imagine that when others laugh behind someone's back like that and let them know that they are something less, it can be quite upsetting for someone with a weaker character," says Honza.
Fear of inadequate masculinity is already in young boys
But of course, there are many more ways of crossing the boundaries of masculinity - from a lack of a certain level of aggression, to not objectifying women (or outright subscribing to feminism), to showing compassion or empathy, traits traditionally attributed to women. But the same is true, for example, of showing affection for other men in the sense of close friendship. This, by the way, has been pointed out in a number of studies: men rarely maintain intimate and long-term friendships with other men in adulthood, for fear of being perceived as gay by others.
And, as research from the 1980s has already indicated, the drive to fit into an adequate "masculine box" comes at a fairly early age. In fact, sociologists Barrie Thorne and Zella Luria observed hundreds of boys in preschool and elementary school and found that while boys routinely hug and hold hands in kindergarten and even in the first half of first grade, the situation changes around the start of fifth grade. This is when boys abandon this behaviour in favour of feigned violence - various nudges - but also eloquent and manly gestures. Similarly, as puberty approaches, boys begin to use various homophobic slurs to humiliate each other. And of course no one wants to be a target themselves. "As the use of homophobic language increases, the frequency of relaxed and friendly patterns of behaviour decreases. Boy friendships acquire a hard surface as opposed to girl friendships full of touch and closeness," Thorne and Luria summarize.
Unfortunately, there is no universal recipe for getting out of this strange vicious cycle, at least not yet. But at the very least, mainstream society should realize that homophobia is definitely not just a "gay/lesbian problem." In fact, homophobia hurts everyone - and overwhelmingly, heterosexual men who, just so that others don't think they are gay, limit how they behave, what they feel, and even what they do for a living...
