"It used to be impossible for a woman to love a woman. Then SHE came." Coming out is not just a matter of growing up. How did it affect those who entered into even cover marriages?
Even though it might seem - perhaps due to media content - that the process of coming out "naturally" belongs to young people (after all, the age of coming out is indeed decreasing over time), it certainly does not mean that the realization of one's orientation (or coming out) cannot happen later. For example, consider the life story of Olympic athlete Dame Kelly Holmes, who did not speak openly about her sexuality for the first time until she was 52. And she is certainly not the only one. It was the older generation that faced a number of obstacles in their adolescence that prevented them from living the life they wanted. Of course, this also applies to those who grew up in the former Czechoslovakia, where different sexual orientations were not exactly "welcome" either - and in fact, the fact that someone might be gay/lesbian was not even discussed very publicly. It is not surprising, then, that many people preferred to live in seclusion and even in a "closeted relationship". And only many years later did they find the courage to start living openly.
"I thought I was attracted to men when I was growing up. But it was the 1950s. Actually, nothing like that was out of the question. I was confused and my family was also strongly religious, I had no one to ask for help. And so - when I was trying to come to terms with the situation and a girl I really felt something for came my way - I came to the conclusion that I might even love her. We understood each other, so I eventually proposed to her. We had many happy years together, but even though I really loved her, I also knew somewhere in my subconscious that I was attracted to men anyway," is how Jindřich, now a senior citizen from southern Moravia, describes it. Although after the revolution, when things started to loosen up, the discourse regarding LGBT people changed and being gay was no longer a stigma, Jindřich decided to stay by his wife's side. Only after her death did he - in his own words - "discover myself". But the relief I felt when, thanks to one of my younger relatives, I could start meeting other people like me is indescribable ," he explains.
Marriages "in disguise" were quite common in Czechoslovakia in the past, as Jan Hromada said in an interview, among other things, that this practice concerned about half of all gays and lesbians. The reasons were simple - the idea of living in a society that persecuted one for who one was was even less bearable for them than marriage to a person of the opposite sex. This, after all - and Henry's story proves it - could undoubtedly have been loving. Not to mention that many of these artificial marriages have produced children. On the other hand, people don't necessarily always have to hide their orientation from others; sometimes it's simply too far beneath the surface.
"I basically lived a completely normal life like anyone else since puberty, going on dates and enjoying life within the confines of the time. Then - exactly as society and my family expected - I got married and had a family. But soon after my 50th birthday, SHE came along. I fell madly in love with a woman, and I admit it was a shock even to me. In fact, I've quite wondered myself how I didn't see what is now so clear to me. But I was born in the sixties, and back then it was impossible for a woman to love a woman," recalls Hana, now in her sixties. She was also lucky that her children were already grown up at the time of her coming out and accepted the fact that their mother decided to live with a woman very well. "Even my now ex-husband handled the situation with honour. Although it was a shock for him at first, we eventually cleared everything up and today we maintain a close friendly relationship," Hana adds.
However, coming out does not always have to take place after some time (or practically a lifetime) of hiding in "cover" hetero-relationships. "I'm 45 years old, so I can't say that I have any ingrained idea that being lesbian or gay is bad. In fact, no one at home ever claimed it was wrong either. But I was 'queer'. At least to those around me - I wasn't attracted to straight relationships, but at the same time, being a lesbian scared me too much. And the fact that everyone would know. So it's quite ironic that it was only when I moved from the city to the countryside to start my business that I found the courage to start living. It actually helped that I was on my own, and then I also discovered various forums on the internet where I connected with many people from different parts of the world who had the same experience as me," says the woman who has anchored herself in the foothills of the Beskydy Mountains. "Only now, at 45, am I experiencing for the first time what is a common reality for teenagers. I mean, not that I'm running around discos (laughs), but I'm experiencing the first meetings with women, the partner 'kisses' and the excitement of 'what ifs'," she sums up, adding that thanks to being able to take care of herself, she has gained inner strength and no longer worries about what others might think of her.
However, regardless of when one decides to openly live in accordance with how one feels, it is obviously a very liberating feeling. While not everyone is fortunate enough to have loved ones who understand the situation immediately, on the other hand, most who choose to come out would not take that step back. However, while in the Czech Republic it is no longer necessary to push oneself into marriage "by default", there are still countries in the world where such a practice is not only common, but also a necessity...
