Belittling and ridicule: persecuted men are victims too! Stalking is addressed but rarely resolved. Who is most at risk?
What is "stalking" anyway?
It sounds like a technical term for behaviour that we either hear crazy stories about in movies, or we underestimate it and think of stalkers as those who simply don't have a bone to pick and so are too interested in someone else's business. So what's the deal with dangerous stalking?
Both camps mentioned above are actually right, because stalking takes many forms. It is generally characterized by repeated behavior that results in the person on the other side fearing for their safety or the safety of their loved ones. They may be worried about their health, their life, but also, for example, personal information or something as simple as privacy, peace and quiet. This may seem like something easily dispensable or insignificant, but psychological instability and constant stress can do great damage.
Stalking can include threats, communication that is coerced, or even unwanted physical proximity. Those who have experienced stalking often struggle with effects similar to post-traumatic stress disorder, with anxiety or depression. Many of the problems are related to simply trying to keep themselves safe and "drive away" the stalker. Victims are cornered and so often shut themselves off from the world. This can have a detrimental effect not only on the development of life itself, but also on social networks (in the sense of relationships, not just internet pages). Moreover, isolation contributes to unpleasant conditions: some feel the need to check locks and blacked-out windows, others, for example, analyse every strange sound their house makes. The reactions, like the stalking itself, are varied. But one thing is clear: it is serious.
Victims of stalking are often , among other things, ashamed or afraid to address the situation. This is because we are in a very opaque space with blurred boundaries. People often get lost in what they take to be normal behaviour, the result of an argument, or even an expression of love. Did you know that unsolicited gifts are also a manifestation of stalking? What would you say to a friend who complained about the fact that fresh flowers arrived at her house every day? Would that bother anyone? The answer is yes! Even the nicest expressions we would welcome from a loved one can take on the air of a threat, or even just a reminder of the existence of a person who refuses to give up their attempts to invade someone else's life.
Is that rare?
No. Stalking is not as rare as one might think. According to the White Circle of Safety, rounded to whole percentages, 8% of women and 2% of men have experienced it. Doesn't that sound like a big number? How about putting it another way: one in twelve women and one in forty-five men have experienced stalking. That's a little more imaginative and not so impersonal. The CDC (Centers for Disease Control and Prevention) in its 2016-2017 publication on stalking even states that one in three women and one in six men have encountered some type of behavior that could be called stalking at some point in their lives!
Who is the victim and who is the perpetrator?
Dangerous stalking is usually (but not exclusively) perpetrated by men. On the other hand, it is men who face more barriers as victims. Men who find themselves in the crosshairs of a stalker are more likely to be distrusted or to downplay their problems. This is related to the shame that victims experience, which pushes them even closer to an imaginary wall.
A man is supposed to be strong and can handle anything, right? We can protect a fragile woman, but a man has nothing to fear! Don't sue and sort it out! Are you really afraid?! No, I'm not!
These and similar prejudices are absolutely beyond the pale and the victim should not be shamed in any way, regardless of her gender or physical proportions. Some people are so afraid of such reactions that they end up not even reporting their stalker. They fear that they will become a laughing stock. In addition, they are afraid of upsetting their stalker. And so, when they weigh their chances of being stopped against the possible consequences, they prefer to suffer in silence.
Not uninterestingly, according to Them.us, even sexual orientation has an impact on the chances of becoming a target of stalking. In its 2010 publication on partner and sexual violence, the CDC states that bisexual women in particular are most likely to be dangerously stalked. Moreover, in general, it is alarming that there is a complete lack of data on the issue of stalking of LGBT+ people. But even here, what is not mapped does not exist. On the contrary. Katie Edwards, a professor at the University of Nebraska-Lincoln, worries that even in these respects, it is primarily a lack of interest. She herself paid attention to the topic and found only a handful of relevant sources to analyze.
Reporting and addressing stalking carries with it a host of biases and concerns. Moreover, Edwards says, LGBT+ people are often even more fearful precisely because of their orientation. Not only might they face ridicule in moments of telling their stalker, but they may also encounter homophobia or transphobia in their audience - both non-professionals (acquaintances, friends, neighbours and others) and in official institutions.
Professor T. K. Logan of the University of Kentucky has done research on stalking. She reports that she often encounters respondents who are relieved just by having someone listen to them. He also recommends this to anyone to whom someone has decided to confide a similar problem. Trust alone can make a huge difference in the victim's perception of their position. This idea is supported by data: a 2017 study reported that out of 3,700 911 calls to report stalking, only 66 made it to the reporting line! Even worse, only twelve arrests were made.
How to address dangerous stalking?
Victim Advocate Jill Smialek of the Victim Service Centers & Family Justice Center in Cleveland recommends that those experiencing dangerous stalking should, as a first step, communicate clearly, uncompromisingly, and distinctly to the stalker that their behavior is unacceptable and unwelcome, and then change their routines. More demanding stalking conditions will deter many milder stalkers. If you also have trusted people around you, tell them what you are dealing with. Ask those closest to you to avoid the stalker, not to give them information, and to strictly reject them as well. Of course, if this fails and even threats come into play, you should definitely contact the police. It is not a bad idea to collect evidence either. Save messages, install cameras in your home, or try to have witnesses to the interactions.
