Tereza Pelechová runs a parenting school for lesbians and gays, what do future parents learn there?

How long has Rainbow Parent Prep been in operation?

The first idea came about in 2014, when we did our first course with about eight people. My wife and I were one of them. After that, there were a few more meetings like that, and then there was a hiatus for about a year and a half. However, we are still dealing with the topic of parenting within the Prague Pride festival and since last year, thanks to the great interest, we decided to start the preparatory course again.

Is it possible to observe any development in this parenting school? Is it a bit different today than it was at the beginning?

Initially it was very much about meeting with experts, but now it is mainly about meeting with parents who already have children, so that those who are interested can be given real-life experiences. They then share their stories, which among other things are mainly about what rainbow families encounter in terms of their otherness. We also deal a lot with how these families are formed, what are the advantages and disadvantages of different parenting models, as there are many possibilities.

How many people have gone through the preparation?

Over 90 people have gone through prep since the very first years and we know of at least seven births and several more on the way. In 2014, one group was also formed for parents of children who now regularly go on trips together and engage in various leisure activities. In short, a kind of informal friendship group. We are now considering doing another such group, but it is still in the consideration stage.

How does such a preparation group work?

We work with people who don't have children yet but are planning to have them. It's an eight-week cycle, during which the same closed group of participants meet every week so that they gradually get to know each other and are not afraid to share often sensitive and intimate things. During the eight weeks, five guests visit us in turn, both parents who already have children and a psychologist/psychologist who specializes in child developmental psychology. We also focus a lot on legal issues, which are very important given the unequal status of rainbow families. We have a lawyer among our staff who is also a gay father and a lawyer who is a lesbian mother - this is great because they can pass on not only professional advice but also personal experience.

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Have you considered linking these sessions with heterosexual parents as well? It's often said that the gay and lesbian community shies away from...

That's an interesting question. However, I don't think that's the main issue. What we encounter instead is that lesbian or gay couples are surrounded by heterosexual families and have no other same-sex family in their neighborhood. What they are missing is that relationship with the community. And that's what we want to help. I see that in myself, the vast majority of people we meet are heterosexual families.

At the same time, it should be noted that the purpose of our preparation is to address issues that stem primarily from the unequal status of LGBT families, so the information we address would not be very relevant to heterosexual couples most of the time.

So what specific options do Czech lesbians and gay men who want to start a family have? And what is the situation of Czech rainbow families?

First of all, the situation is a little different for lesbian and gay couples. Women have it a bit easier from a biological point of view. In the biological variant, lesbian couples deal mainly with the degree of involvement of the biological father in the upbringing of the child. It can be a completely anonymous donor from a sperm bank and there is no father at that point. There is also the option where the donor is someone known, a friend or a gay acquaintance. There are many variations, and it also depends on how much contact the child has with the biological father - he may be a friend or uncle in the child's life. The child then knows that he is his father, but he is not strictly in the role of dad. There is also shared parenting, where, for example, a lesbian couple arranges with a gay couple. It depends on how the custody ratio is divided. There are also variations where there is only one gay and one lesbian.

Tereza Pelechová with her son and partner

What about men who choose to have a child?

It's a similar decision at the beginning - whether to biologically have one of them or not. Foster care and adoption are more common for gay couples. Surrogacy is also an option, which is legal and legally and ethically well-treated, especially in America and Canada. That is why we also find couples who have a child from America. However, it is a rather expensive thing and it is not for everyone. Apart from the price of the services of the intermediary agency, the artificial insemination clinic, one has to add a lot of travel to America, visits before the birth, after the birth, then the stay before leaving, etc. But the big advantage is that the couple leaves America with a birth certificate with both fathers written on it. However, even in America there are a lot of strict rules attached to this process. Then, of course, there is also the option of shared parenting for men.

What is the most common route same-sex couples take to start a family?

Well, that's a very difficult question, and I don't think it's possible to say that definitively. On the contrary, I would say that almost no two families I know are the same. (Laughs) There is no universal key to what is better or worse. We share all kinds of stories with people in the prep school, but each person has to decide for themselves what is the right path for them. Everyone has a completely different life story.

Have any families met at prep school? I'm thinking of shared parenting now...

Not yet, but we're just waiting to see when it happens. (Laughs) Maybe a parenting dating site could find a place. (Laughs)

In terms of the age of the people who attend the prep school, is there any way to tell at what age same-sex couples are most interested in having children?

Again, it varies a lot. Let's say from 20 to 45. It's always a mix. While one would expect it to be mostly later, it's not. Same-sex couples with children are no longer taboo and are very visible today, so it's no longer the case for young gays and lesbians that they'll never have children either. I think they've grown up with it anyway and know it's an option. That's why age doesn't play a role, and lesbians and gays plan their families just like heterosexual couples - each at a different age.

What do the Czechs say? Do you think the attitude towards same-sex families is a bit more liberal?

My partner and I have been raising a child for almost two and a half years now and we have never encountered any rejection. Negative opinions are often heard from politicians, populists, and various loudmouths, but fortunately we don't encounter this in our everyday life. Of course, we don't live in a vacuum, we walk among people, we go to nurseries, to clubs, to the doctor, so there are many cases where we come into contact with the world and the majority society. When people hear politicians talking in the House of Commons, they might worry that society might condemn them, but fortunately the reality is different and society is mostly fine with it. Everyone around us is mainly concerned with how we look after the child and how we function as parents, and that's how it should be. This is not only true in Prague. We go to a cottage in a small village, and even here we are treated just fine.

Does the preparation only work in Prague or does it work elsewhere in the country?

So far only in Prague, but this spring we tried to do a one-day shortened version for people outside of Prague to reach other people. We will continue to do that.

Is there a fee for the whole prep?

Yeah. We've introduced a fee to cover costs. Each meeting is two hours long, and there are often guests who also have to pay. But the fee is more symbolic. As part of the fee, participants then have the option of counselling and advice at a later time, when they are already dealing with the child specifically, in addition to the eight meetings.

If any same-sex couples who are considering having children are reading this, where can they find out more about the prep school and where can they sign up for it?

There is a "rainbow families" tab at www.praguepride.cz and that's where applicants can find the latest information. The next cycle will be in the fall, so applications have yet to appear on the site. Alternatively, you can pre-apply at the email listed and we will get back to you as soon as we have more information.