How do girls do it? A guide to lesbian sex (not only) for curious straight guys
Last week, we published an insightful (and extremely well-read) article about what sex between two men looks like. And as it happens, right after that, we started getting messages like, "What about the girls?" Which is a perfectly logical question - because while sex between two men is a frequent topic of debate and pornographic fantasy, sex between two women is either over-sexualised or shrouded in a fog of secrecy. And it is this fog that we will now try to dispel.
What does "lesbian sex" mean - and why definitions don't matter so much
When you say "lesbian sex", most people think of sex between two women. But what kind of women? Are they exclusively cisgender lesbians? What about bisexual women? What about trans women? Pansexual women? Or just two friends who just discovered they're attracted to each other?
The definition of lesbian sex is actually broader than it may seem. In this article, we understand lesbian sex as sexual contact between two (or more) people who identify as women - regardless of their orientation, physical characteristics, or experience. What is important is what unites the persons: the desire to be intimate together. And what exactly they mean by that is up to them to determine.
What lesbian sex isn't - or myths we can let go of
Let's do a little housecleaning first. There are a number of persistent ideas that have about as much to do with reality as a high school biology textbook has to do with the actual sex lives of queer people.
No, one doesn't have to be "for the guy." Lesbian sex is not an attempt to mimic the heterosexual model. Roles tend to be fluid, alternating, or completely non-hierarchical.
No, they don't always use strap-on. The latter is just one of many tools they may (or may not) use for mutual pleasure. It's an optional toy, not the norm.
And no, scissoring is not a universal lesbian position. Many women have never tried this technique - and many of those who have, describe it as rather impractical.
The first step? Know yourself before you know the other
The foundation of good sex - whether straight, gay or otherwise - is knowing your own body. Masturbation, in this respect, is not only a means of pleasure, but also a mapping of the terrain. You'll find out what feels good, what you're sensitive to and what touches suit you.
It's also a form of preparation for how you can please another woman - especially if you have a similar body. But even here, every woman is different. What is orgasmic for one may be uninteresting to another. That's why it's so important to communicate - both before sex, but also during.
Touching, drooling and sighing.
Breasts and nipples
Many women have breasts as one of their most sensitive erogenous zones. But each one is different - some people are happy with gentle stroking, others prefer intense sucking. The key is to try and ask around. Kissing, licking, gentle biting, a vibrator or toys designed directly for the nipples - all can be part of the game.
Hands, hands, hands
Manual stimulation is one of the most important forms of lesbian sex. Fingers can literally do wonders - and not just in the vaginal area. You can explore the clitoris, the vaginal opening, the G-spot, the perineum or even the anus. The important thing is pace, pressure and rhythm - and again: ask and watch for reactions.
Oral sex
For many women, oral sex is the absolute pinnacle of lesbian intimacy. Gentle tongue on the clitoris, licking around the vaginal opening, sucking, kissing... The possibilities are endless and each woman has a different combination that brings her to climax. Take your time, be receptive and remember that sex is not a sprint.
Aids
Vibrators, dildos, clitoral stimulators, anal pins or even double dildos - anything goes, as long as it makes sense to you. Aids are an extension of the possibilities, not a substitute for something that is "missing". If you do use them, don't forget about hygiene - and feel free to use condoms to make cleaning easier and reduce the risk of transmitting infections.
Safe and sensible
Sex between women is not without risk. STIs can also be transmitted through oral sex, shared toys or touching. What helps?
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Dental dam - a thin barrier for oral sex
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Gloves - especially for fisting
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Tool condoms - for extra safety and easier cleaning
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Lubricant - whenever penetration is played with or skin is dry
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Hand and nail hygiene - yes, this is also a form of partner care
Don't forget about testing - ideally regularly, even in a steady relationship.
Lesbian sex = sex without rules?
Yes and no. There are no universal scripts to follow. Lesbian sex can be gentle, wild, quiet or loud, short or all-night. It doesn't have to end in orgasm, it doesn't have to be "technically perfect". It is a space for play, intimacy and closeness.
And that's what makes it so special.
