"A mink is a man who refuses to take a shower and refuses to wear a condom," says the chairwoman of an association that helps female sex workers, describing her selected escort customers

How often do non-consensual practices occur in the sex business? Ignoring a woman's disapproval, disrespecting boundaries?

In fact, I'm noticing more and more that the attitude of the average customer who has at least a high school education and who follows what's going on in society has improved a lot. I think that the society-wide debate about the importance of the psychological well-being of everyone involved during sex is contributing to this. I've had feedback from sex workers that unless you work in a worse establishment and in a worse location, where you are more likely to encounter less educated customers, they are also more interested in how you feel.

One of the sex workers told me that she has been "lectured a few times by a customer if they know what a consort is and that they need to take it seriously." When you work in the average sex private or ride escort, in the last two years or so it has become much more common for customers to ask if the sex worker is okay, if she is in pain.

But there is still, unfortunately, a large portion of customers who are not affected by the consensus debate. There are sadists among them, men who simply hate women and treat them accordingly. Or men who deliberately seek out female workers on the street because they are more vulnerable and want to take out their aggression on them.

Since June, you've been running the Don't be a jerk campaign to educate customers. How are "mink" problematic? My understanding is that it is a colloquial term for a man who frequently buys sexual services and shares his experiences on specialist discussion forums...

Actually, there is quite an interesting discrepancy between how the word "nerd" is perceived by sex workers and how it is usually perceived by customers. For the "mink" itself, it's a label for someone who uses sex services, tries different businesses and different workers.

In contrast, most sex workers use the word 'mink' to refer to a particular type of customer who has difficulty with personal hygiene, doesn't take much care of themselves, and often doesn't use deodorant. Outwardly, he gives the impression of having high self-esteem and high demands on the workers, but he wants as much service as possible for as little money as possible.

In my opinion, the negative perception of "mink" was also due to the environment on the former Norník website, where customers wrote reviews of sex workers and discussed them - often much more vulgarly than necessary. I got feedback from some sex workers that the then operator of the site was not very interested in moderating the discussion that took place there, changing the rules or limiting the vulgarity of the reviews.

The idea that one can find an online review even of a particular sex worker's services is somewhat bizarre...

Yes, it used to be that men would talk about sex workers offline, perhaps over a beer - and now the reviews hang out on the internet. Sometimes they're true, sometimes they're not. We also try to communicate this to potential and real customers, for example on social media. So that when they read the review, they know that it can also be about revenge on the part of the customer - for example, because the worker refused to give the customer sex without a condom, which is a very risky practice. Of course, in such a negative review, the client will not mention that he pushed the woman into having sex without protection.

I think there should be a discussion about whether the public should have access to such review forums at all - because it can have a negative effect not only on the psyche of sex workers, but also on their relationship with customers, and therefore on the quality of service. When you're a sex worker, curiosity doesn't get the better of you - and after reading various reviews, many women in the industry will form a negative opinion of customers in general. They are disgusted with the way customers "talk about women" here. To compare it to another profession: if you work as a hairdresser but you despise the customers - because you come to the conclusion that they despise you - you would have to have really good self-control so that it doesn't show in your performance.

If I imagine I'm a man and I'm about to use the services of a paid companion for the first time... How do I go about getting the "label" of ideal customer?

At the very beginning, there should be an agreement on the services offered so that both parties are clear on this. For example, unprotected oral sex is quite common in the Czech Republic and few sex workers do not provide it. However, it is definitely worth asking the sex worker if she can handle anal sex if you have a larger penis size. There is an unwritten rule in the Czech sex business - that even if a sex worker offers anal sex, she may eventually refuse it if you have a bigger size and she doesn't dare. That's why it's a good idea to ask her beforehand over the phone if she can handle anal sex always or according to her size.

It's definitely a good idea to make sure that what the woman offers in the advert really applies - especially if the customer is interested in, say, harder sex or piss. For women who don't actually work for themselves, sometimes the text of the advert is written by the management, and the worker may not even know what all is in the advert. It may not be pleasant for the customer who has come for specific services to find this out on the spot.

Do sex workers even have the capacity to discuss services in such detail beforehand?

It's true that it's difficult to get that reassurance: many sex workers don't like to be questioned at length about what the scenario is going to be like, and spend long minutes describing all the details. Often they don't like such calls because some customers masturbate during them - and also because a lot of customers ask questions for long minutes and end up not coming. Both parties have a hard time with each other.

What else should a customer demanding sex for pay not underestimate?

It's definitely a good idea to observe basic hygiene: be cleanly dressed, use at least chewing gum so you don't smell bad. If the sex worker asks you to take a shower, it's a good idea to do so. Which sounds logical - yet there are customers who come out of the bathroom, but you can tell by smelling that they haven't showered. Proper penis washing technique is also important - even behind the foreskin. It's not that customers don't want to do it because they're in an erotic establishment. Rather, it happens that they don't know how to wash their penis properly. We're addressing this too in our #nebudnornik campaign.

From then on, it's about communicating with each other, watching each other to make sure they feel good and that nothing hurts. Most customers understand this, but I still have to mention that even a sex worker is a woman who shouldn't be caused pain by a customer who hasn't agreed with her beforehand. Even for sex workers, everything should be consensual.

Zdroj: Giphy

Do you also encounter surprised reactions in the context of the campaign?

When it comes to basic rules of personal hygiene, I tend to encounter more surprise from men. A common reaction is that they had no idea that this was not automatic for some customers. However, the really big response has been to posts about what can be considered rape under current Czech legislation, even in the sex business, such as forcing someone into sexual practices that you haven't agreed on beforehand - like anal sex.

Forcing anyone to have sex without protection is also generally considered rape under Czech legislation. Unfortunately, this is often perpetrated on sex workers by men who are engaged - who may have got the impression that if the person in question is not visibly ill, it is safe for them. And their female partners often wonder how they happened to have repeated bacterial, yeast or other infections.

Do Czech customers have significant gaps in what safe sex with a sex worker should look like?

There is a widespread perception among Czech customers that unprotected oral sex is not risky and that there is no need to protect oneself during it. However, it must be said that this is not specific to the Czechs.

I know from sex workers that customers in Slovakia, for example, think similarly. Even in Germany, where unprotected oral sex is banned in erotic establishments, customers offer sex workers high premiums if they are willing to provide it. A large number of customers are convinced that if a woman looks healthy, she is healthy.

On social media, we actively ask men who protect themselves even during oral sex how they would convince other men who refuse to do so. And we mostly meet the opinion of men themselves that if someone refuses oral sex with protection, it is impossible to convince him. That simply at that point, all most customers see in front of them is that it's more pleasurable without a condom.

You've been appealing to men for over four months now under the banner "Don't be a jerk. Have the sex workers noticed any changes, however slight?

In recent months, it feels like our campaign has had an impact. We have had feedback from female sex workers that outside of the worse locations with less educated customers, the number of such aggressive individuals has dropped. It is increasingly common for a customer to "just" coax sex without protection, and then give up the effort if the sex worker refuses. But it's too early to assess whether this will be a long-term trend and how much of an impact our campaign, or campaigns by other nonprofits on the topic of consent in sex, actually have.

I also see the campaign as another way to at least somewhat prevent violence against sex workers - that is, after all, its main goal. Because when you look at how violent crimes against sex workers, such as serious bodily harm or murder, come about, it often comes out that there was some kind of misunderstanding at the beginning. Sometimes completely unnecessary, which might not have happened if both parties knew roughly how the other was thinking. And what might be bothering him.

Do clients even hear that if they treat their companion with consideration and empathy, it will come back to them in the form of better service?

The feedback from men is 99% that they thank you for the interesting information and that they will try to work with them. Although it's unfortunately true that the campaign works particularly well with customers who make the occasional mistake and want to improve. Really dangerous clients who should have been under the care of a sexologist a long time ago are unlikely to be impressed by our campaign. But I'll be optimistic that we don't have negative reactions because most of the men we reach want to improve their communication with sex workers.