How do gay men have sex? The perception that straight people have is skewed at best. Anyone who has experienced male-on-male frolicking knows the difference

That two men can have sex, you know. But if you haven't tried it, then your knowledge of what it entails probably stops at what's shown in movies or what's common knowledge among people. And neither of those are perfectly true, and sometimes they're far from the truth. As opposed to the lived experience of a real unadulterated gay man (Psssst, that's me!) and the many descriptions of erotic experiences he's overheard from many other real live gay men. Brace yourselves, the ride is about to begin.

Have you seen Brokeback Mountain? And remember the scene in the tent where one guy rolled over onto his stomach, the other spit in his palm, smeared it all over the first guy, and he was in? That's not really how it works at all. I'm not saying no one has ever experienced this, but it's more likely to be the exceptions. The whole scene is practically the opposite of normal gay sex.

You have to prepare yourself

One of the most beautiful things about sexuality and eroticism is its spontaneity. You don't have anything planned and then suddenly the urge hits, you look at each other and you're rolling around and clothes are flying every which way. And then... stop. Because when you're two men and you want to have anal sex without messy complications, one of you has to go to the bathroom.

Anal sex can be a pretty dirty business, for obvious reasons, so a lot of gay men prepare for it. And that preparation takes time, may not be entirely pleasant, and definitely takes the magic of spontaneity and momentary passion out of sex. Because when you have to step away for a quarter of an hour to flush your rectum in the heat of the moment, it doesn't add to the sexual momentum.

If you're going to have a romantic evening in bed, you might as well prepare in advance, but then it means you're on tenterhooks the whole time, wondering if the mass inside you hasn't moved where it shouldn't and there's going to be an accident. Not that such an accident is the end of the world, it's just a wash afterwards, but it's not a popular experience.

More in Gallery

Sources: Adobe Stock

Saliva is not a lubricant

Even more so than the lack of hygiene in Brokeback Mountain (And they were still eating beans! But let's face it, it's also a different time and wilderness in the mountains, isn't it...) what annoys me is that they went "dry". Sure, they helped themselves to spit, but unless the person in question was spitting olive oil, I can't imagine how they could have been comfortable with that. Because saliva really isn't a lubricant. And you need lubrication if you want to have sex with a hole that doesn't lubricate itself when aroused. Otherwise, it hurts, burns and can easily cause sexual injury - from abrasions to a torn bridle.

The best lubricant in my experience is silicone lube. It glides nicely and doesn't dry out. Except it also leaves stains on the paintwork (leaning a sweaty hand against the wall is a bad idea) and it's great not only on the human body, but also on tiles and linen. So don't spill! Oh, and it can't be used with silicone toys because it destroys them. As for water gels, those are the most versatile and wash super well, but some don't lubricate as much or dry quickly and then stick (and sex with glue... well, you get the idea). And then there's also grease lubrication, or maybe that olive oil. It's said to have been used in ancient Greece, and given how well it lubricates, I can easily imagine its use. But I haven't tried it.

Anyway, the point is simply that without lube, anal sex is more of an ordeal than a pleasure. So if lube isn't handy, a lot of guys will stick to other practices instead.

Anal sex is pleasurable for both

Of course, it can hurt when you're fucking forcefully, without relaxation, without gel, and without being rough, but if everything is done right, then anal sex is very pleasurable. And for both partners! After all, the penis is not the only part of the human body that is interwoven with a lot of sensitive nerves. The rectal area is also highly innervated, so stroking, massaging or even licking it is pleasurable. But let's not forget about the prostate, which is a great place to get at through the butt. Stimulating it is a source of great pleasure for many and some men can even achieve orgasm by stimulating the prostate. So, a win-win for everyone involved.

Some people don't do it in the ass at all.

When it comes to gay sex, sex roles should also be mentioned. Because far from everyone likes to do everything in bed. "Actives" prefer the insertive role, a position in which they are the ones providing the penis. "Passives", on the other hand, prefer the receptive role, that is, they are the ones who receive the penis. Then there are also versatile men, they alternate it according to taste (or need).

But there are also gay men who don't like anal sex at all and don't practice it at all. English uses the term "side" for them. The reasons may vary, but mostly it's the fact that they just don't like anal sex and don't enjoy it. But they still have sex. Sex is not just about penetration.

Fuck daddy!

And finally, a triviality that will also surprise many people: did you know that gay men can look each other in the eye during sex? The idea that men only do it together from behind is completely misguided. Of course, there are many more sexual positions, and the classic missionary one is perfectly possible. The one on the bottom just has to lift his knees to make a better approach. When a pillow or something else is handy for support, the way to paradise is clear.