Cruising: vulgar, forbidden and extremely hot even in an age when you can arrange anonymous sex on the internet. Why are sneaky gay pussies still so popular in public?
Meeting in a public yet hidden place, letting each other know that you are both there for the same purpose, taking action and going your separate ways, that's what gay cruising often looks like. The erotic, sexual kind. Nobody's talking about cruising along the coast these days.
Gay cruising is the practice of seeking uncommitted and mostly anonymous sexual partners in public but hidden places. It's not in anyone's home, or in a gay bar or other specialty establishment, but in restrooms, boring beaches, secluded spots in parks, adult stores, etc. Just places where no one can see you, but where anyone can go. Where everyone wouldn't go unnecessarily, but when someone does go there, it doesn't draw unnecessary attention.
And that's exactly the point. To keep the neighborhood from noticing. To stay hidden, in the shadows, not to give yourself away. Cruising used to be the only way men could experience sexual activity with other men. Not so long ago in the past, being openly gay simply didn't exist. Gay life thus took place in the utmost secrecy, behind a facade of marriage to women and heterosexual pretense.
"If you're in danger of getting beaten up or thrown in jail for looking for a date, you really don't do it in busy places or somewhere where someone might find you," Elliott explains quite succinctly. "Picture it this way: If you were gay at a time when even just kissing another man meant you could end up behind bars, what would you do to find people who are the same way?"
"For the first 35 years of my life, I kept my homosexuality a secret," confides Billy, who is in his 60s. "Since I didn't go to gay bars and I was married, I had no choice but to go to 'cruising spots' to get laid. There I could have anonymous, uncommitted sex." But he and many other gay men used cruising as a necessary method of getting what they couldn't otherwise have. "When I came out, I found that cruising didn't bring me the same satisfaction anymore. Sure, anonymous, non-committal sex still has its appeal, but it's more of a pornographic fantasy than something I'd actually do today."
Out of necessity, virtue with an extra rake
But for others, cruising is an erotic thrill ride. An activity that is naughty, forbidden, dirty and racy. It is the forbiddenness of this activity that makes it so exciting for some. The fact that you are doing something in public, where you shouldn't actually be, can be a powerful turn-on factor. But it's also the fact that you don't know who you're going to meet. It's a game.
For part of cruising is not just the act of unchaste that it leads to, but also the searching, the arranging. A bargaining that takes place with the eyes, with hints. A game that everyone has to know is being played to even notice it. Those who don't know what's going on may not notice the questioning glances.
And it is this tension that distinguishes crusing from online sex partner searching. Because on Grindr, it's as easy to order a sex date as it is to order a pizza. You can text someone, but for many, it loses that personal touch. Cruising, on the other hand, makes you a conspirator. And that togetherness is also why clandestine sexual encounters can be so much fun.
You don't have to go into the bushes for sexy play.
The truth is, the thrill of uncertainty, the promise of something more, and yet the knowledge that it's non-committal, is something that makes cruising sound appealing even to some people who would never want to do anything nasty in public. The good news for them is that they don't have to do anything like that. After all, the thrill of the game can be richly enjoyed by classic flirting as well. It's just that a lot of people have forgotten about the flirting part, because in the age of mobile apps, it's much easier to arrange sex. It's just that the ease and the process of packing itself is something that can also be enjoyed, as Frederick, an openly gay man in his 40s , describes.
"I don't use the word 'cruising', I prefer 'flirting'. As a gay man who has never gone to bars or clubs or saunas or other venues that gay and bisexual men typically use to casually enjoy themselves with someone, I had to master this flirting quite early on."
"I make eye contact and hold it a second longer than normal. Shoulders squared, direct gaze, I walk right up to him and say hi. I strike up a conversation, talk about something we have in common. As we talk, I gradually get closer and closer to him, imperceptibly reducing our distance. I also breathe deeply, so the other guy subconsciously senses that I'm taking in his scent," Frederick lists the secret weapons he uses to pick up guys.
Zdroj: Giphy"I keep going back to eye contact and stretching it out a little longer minute by minute. Sometimes I flatter the guy too, but always in a way that he doesn't expect it, somehow, so he knows I'm really feeling him. I compliment his jaw, his skin..." It's best, he says, to avoid general comments like "you're beautiful" because the handsome guys know it, and the ones who don't think that of themselves will feel like you're trying to manipulate them. So the best thing to do, according to Frederick, is to stick to specific personal compliments.
"When the appropriate moment comes, I steer the conversation towards the end and say it was really nice to meet and talk to him, and suggest if he wants to go for a drink sometime." But if you're already out for a drink and getting to know someone in a bar, for example, this is a good time to ask if the person wants to continue the evening with you.
