There are a lot of people struggling with indecision today. But if you can't choose what to wear without rolling the dice, you have aboulomania
How much indecision is still normal
Today's life requires us to make thousands of decisions every day. Some are crucial - for example, Should I change jobs? Others are minor but can be all the more distressing - we argue about which spot to park at the supermarket, and the complete relationship killer is the question: What do you want for dinner tonight? A lot of people have trouble deciding, and most of the time it's just too many choices. Once narrowed down, the choice is suddenly simple: what should we have for dinner - spaghetti or salad ?
Some people don't have a strong enough self-confidence and are afraid to be responsible for the consequences of their decision. They usually resort to strategy: I want the same thing as you. With gradual training, such insecurity can be eliminated. In the work environment, we also sometimes encounter lazy colleagues who avoid decisions in order to avoid the resulting tasks. With clever tactics, the work then lands on someone else's desk.
Indecision that makes your life stagnate
And then there are the people who stand in front of a store shelf for ten minutes because they can't decide what product to buy. Either they end up buying nothing, or they get so doubtful outside the store that they go to exchange the item they bought for another. They are unable to choose a field of study, and while their peers successfully start their careers, they themselves invariably drop out after a short time, paralysed by the fact that they have made the wrong choice. But even just getting dressed in the morning can be a problem. "Sometimes I just have to roll the dice or lay out my cards to be able to decide what I'm going to wear," Tori writes in one of the many discussion forums where people share their woes with the sheer inability to make decisions that ruins their entire lives.
The disease aboulomania is more of a rarity and not well known. That's why under articles about it published on the Internet there are usually a lot of comments with cries of "Oh my God, that's exactly me! I've been in therapy for years because I'm not able to control my life, and no one has mentioned this diagnosis yet!"
The strange disease aboulomania
For people who truly suffer from aboulomania, indecision reaches such proportions that it makes it impossible for them to function in everyday life. They don't trust their own judgement and the need to make a decision paralyses them completely. Such people are usually completely dependent on their partner and even indulge in domestic violence because they are terrified of what they would do if left alone. And they have good reasons. Serious cases would probably starve to death because they really couldn't decide between eidam and koliba in the supermarket.
But aboulomania isn't just about making choices, it's a whole complex of manifestations that have one thing in common: total dependence on others. These people exhibit hypersensitivity to criticism, complete passivity in relationships, fear of loneliness, feelings of utter helplessness, and an inability to take a stand with others. Wait a minute - didn't we just describe the typical 21st century person?
Zdroj: Giphy
What is a mental disorder and what is the pressure of societal norms
The exact cause of aboulomania is unknown. It is believed that its trigger is an overly authoritarian or overly protective style of upbringing. If parents constantly correct the child in his decisions or tell him what and how to want, they send him on a direct path to pathological suppression of his own personality.
The diagnosis of aboulomania is complicated, however, because it requires distinguishing between what a person's illness leads him to do and what the social norms instilled by his upbringing lead him to do. Submissiveness, subservient or servile behaviour, self-denial, manifestations of dependence on the superior sex - these may all be cultural influences and not the disease. In a traditional patriarchal society, a doctor may say to you, "This is not aboulomania, these are our rules of decorum for women!"
Don't worry, it can be treated
Psychotherapy is the best treatment for aboulomania, but it must be short-term. If it lasted for a longer period of time, the patient would develop an addiction to his doctor. That's exactly what an aboulomaniac is best at. A lot of people struggle with depression and anxiety at the same time. That's probably why they get medication, but they run the same risk - that the patient will become psychologically dependent on them.
If you experienced a powerful wow moment while reading this article and finally understood what your problem is, congratulations. If you have discovered that your indecision and fear of responsibility is actually not so bad, congratulations as well. In either case, try working on strategies to help you become more assertive and independent. But modern times are challenging, and all of us deserve to shut down sometimes, surrender to the moment, and just say, "I don't care, I'll take what you've got."
