Learn gay language: a guide to gay and queer slang and terminology for straight people
Like any group of people who share something in common, a language has gradually developed among gay and queer people in general that describes their lived reality. And often things that heterosexuals don't need to describe, or that don't really exist for them.
Certainly one could find a million such things, but before one starts to delve too deeply, it's good to be clear about the basic concepts. Mainly because they are also very common. And those are the ones I'm going to focus on today.
Faggot or gay?
There are many ways to label men who like other men. They range from scientific and neutral to very colloquial and vulgar. And they differ not only in the sound they have, but also in who can use them with impunity.
- Homosexual - A word so neutral as to be almost sterile. Which actually fits, because it's originally a scientific term that German psychologists and psychiatrists began using in the 19th century. But it gradually established itself as a basic neutral word for men attracted to other men. But many people find its scientific nature uncomfortable, so they don't use it in common speech. Plus, it makes it sound like sex is the main role, which isn't necessarily true. Yeah, and it's also a long, awkward word.
- Gay - Probably the best way to describe a man who likes the same sex, in my opinion. It's short, it's functional, it's jendimple. It's also hilarious. Firstly, because gay is originally an English adjective meaning (also) cheerful, exuberant, lively, and secondly, because it was originally a derogatory term for gay men, but eventually the men in question appropriated it and started using it as a neutral term.
- Gay - similarly to the English gay, the Czech gay also works. Only the Czech term is much less neutral. It's a colloquial, casual word and also teeters on the edge between insult and hyperbole. For someone who is not gay himself, it is dangerous because it can easily come off as a derogatory pejorative. But for example, I, a gay man, like to use it because I like its playfulness and enjoy destigmatizing it and taking away from the hurtful power it once had even more. But there's definitely a huge difference between gay and queer. The latter is an insult. Don't use it.
- Faggot - If you want a word even more tricky than gay, there's the ever-so-popular faggot. Originally a slur derived from faggot, but also slang that gay men have reappropriated and use as an exaggerated colloquialism. When a friend asks me "Do you know where an old fag like me can go for a drink tonight?" it's a self-deprecating joke and an expression of relaxation and acceptance of one's identity. Some gay men think of the word faggot as a synonym for all gay men; some use it to describe men who are proud, expressive, feminine, unconcealing, and generally very gay. It's a play on stereotype. But a game that those who are not gay themselves would do well to avoid. Because it could easily come off as insulting to heterosexuals.
- Queer - Queer is a new and modern word in the Czech language, and for many, a riddle as to what it actually means. Again, it's borrowed from English and is used as an umbrella term for all non-heterosexual and non-cisgender identities (not necessarily both at the same time, but each separately). Lesbians, gays, bisexuals, pansexuals, trans people, demiromantics, aromantics..., they are all queer. Which is also why the acronym LGBTQ+ is used. It's an indication that a broad group of people are meant, not just representatives of the first four letters.
Playing with animals
Speaking of identities, one can't help but mention gay subcultures and different "varieties" of gay men. For the uninitiated, they can be not only incomprehensible but also frightening, because the sentence "I slept with a bear yesterday" can have a completely different meaning depending on the situation.
- Bear- Imagine what a bear looks like, and you immediately know what kind of gay men are meant. As a rule, they are big (at the body) and hairy. According to the Prague Bears, bears usually "embody an image of rugged masculinity, with a hairy face and a 'cuddly' body." Not everyone who fits this description, however, is necessarily a bear. It's also about how the person identifies themselves.
- Twink - this isn't an animal, but it fits because a twink is the opposite of a bear. They are boys (men) who are young or youthful looking, slim to skinny, and have a smooth body. It somewhat corresponds to the Czech term bunny, but it's not quite the same.
- Otter (otter) - Otters are somewhere between bears and twins. They are male, slender, but hairy. As far as my personal experience goes, that's not a term that's used very much at all.
- Pup, puppy - When it comes to pets, we can't not talk about puppies. Puppy play is literally "dog play". Which makes it clear that it's not about physical appearance, but the activity that the people in question are doing. The people in question take on the role of dogs, puppies, and have fun doing it. It doesn't have to be anything sexual, although that is a possibility. Puppy play is also often associated with special equipment, especially the typical dog masks. Oh, and puppy play isn't just a gay thing, it's quite common among gay people, which is why I mention it.
Moms and dads or who, what and who
It's embarrassingly clichéd when someone asks gay couples who is "mommy" and who is "daddy". Firstly, because building on gender stereotypes over and over again is just silly, and secondly, because they're two guys, so there's no mum. But mostly because when someone asks stupid questions like that, they're usually more interested in the division of roles during sex than the division of roles in the home. But that's a much more appropriate question to ask. But it would take courage, wouldn't it...
- Aktiv - In the Czech gay language, an Aktiv is someone who is in the role of an insertive partner during penetrative anal sex. And since this sounds terribly scientific, I'll ease your pain of trying to understand it: The active is the one who inserts. In English, the word top is used because it's the one who is "on top."
- Passive - If you just figured out that it's the opposite of an asset, then congratulations on your astute judgment. The passive is the one who is in the receptive role, or the one who is being plugged into. From English we also have the word bottom - one who is "down".
- Vers - or also versatile or versatile in Czech. This is the one who is comfortable with both sexual roles. A lot of gay men strongly prefer only one sex role and don't practice the other one at all. Those who are vers, however, more or less don't care.
- Side - Side, from the English side, are men who do not enjoy penetrative anal sex at all. Because, and this will probably come as a surprise to many, there are gay men who don't do it in the ass at all. They don't like it, they don't enjoy it, it doesn't turn them on. Sometimes they don't enjoy being penetrated by a penis (whichever role they're in), sometimes they don't even enjoy sex toys. And because sometimes it's nice to be able to describe it in one word (like on a dating site), we have the word side.
