"Love your body!" screams the body positivity movement, and it's not helping anyone. Thinking we have to love our looks is a mistake
The body positivity movement was originally a protest movement that emerged in the 1960s to counterbalance the burgeoning diet culture and the media's proclamation of the thin white woman as the ideal of beauty. It was born among American ethnic minorities, who used it to protest systemic bias and discrimination by fashion brands and the cosmetics industry, which profited from people feeling dissatisfied with their bodies. He artificially created pressure in order to make a financial profit.
Gradually, this activism against toxic beauty standards turned into the movement we know today. Which has taken root in social media and other platforms and has begun to problematize other standards of beauty and "health". And became problematic itself.
The glory of fatness?
Even the first paragraph of this article will surely be a problem for many. What do fat people have to object to when someone promotes healthy thinness? They fattened themselves up, so they should shut up! Opposition to the body positivity movement comes from many quarters and is often based on the very feeling that its proponents are promoting an unhealthy lifestyle and obesity.
And I agree. Being obese is unhealthy. Unhealthy should not be promoted. Pointing fingers and shouting "this is great" is problematic. But it's good to remember that you never know why those people are fat. Some people are obese because they eat to eat to grief, some people have a metabolic disorder, some people have a tendency to do so. Some people even quiet like it (people have different foibles and likes). Sometimes it's the fault of the person, sometimes it's a coincidence of circumstances and influence of the environment, sometimes it's just a stupid coincidence.
The other view of body positivity I hear is that it's just a pose, just a show by fat people who can't lose weight and just demostrate how they're so happy with their bodies and how they don't mind being ugly and skinny. Which I'm sure sometimes it is, but it's definitely not the standard approach in my opinion.
It doesn't help to mean well
Advising someone on what they should do with their body is not helpful. Thinking that saying things like "look how fat/skinny you are" will open someone's eyes is naive. It's stupid. He's not going to suddenly grab his head, crack up and say "Oh yeah, what do I look like, I need to do something with myself!" and immediately change his life to conform to your idea of what a proper body is. Why doesn't he do that? Because he's known for a long time what his body looks like. Because he's with it every day.
I know the comments on looks and well-meaning advice all too well. They've only ever led to me wanting to drop everything and do the exact opposite on purpose as a protest. I'm tall and very thin. All my life I've been hearing sentences like "Do they give you food at home?", "You look like you've come out of Dachau", "Look at you, how skinny you are!", "You should eat meat, you won't gain muscle like that", etc etc. From friends, from visitors, from teachers, from parents. They used to throw remarks at me, like how I had to eat, and that I should eat properly, finally eat normally, and also that I don't eat enough. None of that works. None of this creates a need in me to gain weight in any way or to try to fulfill someone else's idea of a good body.
Two words changed that.
I feel good in this skinny body. The only thing that this possibly and actually well-meaning advice says is that my body is wrong. It is wrong, inadequate, reprehensible. Not good, not acceptable.
Such phrases do not build a positive relationship with the body and therefore no desire to take care of it. They do exactly the opposite. Even so, I am now in a state where I take care of my body (and want to take even better care of it) and even perceive it positively. What could have caused this? Two words, "You're hot." And then the addendum, "You're beautifully skinny." A very nice man said that to me two years ago. I didn't get it. I didn't understand that anyone would find me sexy. No one ever said that to me. It was the first time anyone had ever said anything positive about my body. And suddenly I started thinking about my body differently. Maybe it's worth taking care of, maybe it's worth improving. Maybe it's pretty.
I don't mean to whine about how mean everyone is to me and how I'm a poor man who hasn't heard a kind word. I mean that all that "well-meaning advice" about the concentration camp deadbeat who can't eat was completely useless. And one positive sentence changed the whole perception.
Loving your looks is stupid.
But the body positivity movement has an even bigger problem than the people hiding overeating and obesity behind it. It gives the impression that we have to love our bodies. That it's the ultimate goal to adore your body. Except that demanding that one love one's body in a world that, on the other hand, tells one that one's size, weight, bulbousness, angularity, colorfulness, and I don't know what else are wrong can be every bit as stressful as the demands of the perfect body itself. "You're wrong," says one side. "But you have to love yourself!" appeals the other. Pretty psycho situation.
Moreover, while body positivity, according to some, tries to push for diversity, it doesn't break out of society's obsession with appearance and is still focused on how someone's body looks. It appeals to satisfaction with appearance. Thus, more and more people are gravitating towards an alternative approach called body neutrality - that is, trying to perceive one's body neutrally.
Zdroj: GiphyBody neutrality
The goal of body neutrality is not to love your body for how it looks, but to love it for how it functions. Body neutrality also takes into account the fact that not everyone will always enjoy their body. This is because body satisfaction and appearance can also be affected by factors beyond the person's control, such as illness, age, pregnancy or injury.
If, like me, you sometimes struggle with accepting your own body, a good place to start is to realize that your worth is not dependent on attributes of physical beauty. And that your body's job is not to be beautiful, but to function. I focus on what my body allows and enables. I can go out, I can do my work, I can touch, I can help, I can feel the touch of others... These are beautiful things and I want to be able to do them as best I can. So I want to take care of my body.
Uncomment
When it comes to appearance and other people's bodies, comments can do more harm than good. Even if you mean them well. Even if you think it's a compliment. "Gee, you've lost weight!" may be a true description of the situation, but when the person in question doesn't wish to lose weight, it's not a compliment. It's best not to comment on body image, or to comment only when you're sure it will be positively received. And only give advice to someone who asks for it. Because unsolicited advice is always criticism.
